I am 30 years old and have been in a relationship with a man who is 55 years old, for the past nine months. He has asked me to marry him. but I am still considering his proposal.

Sometimes the difference in age bothers me, at other times it doesn't. We do not live together, but I sleep with him every night. The problem I have is that he is very mean and I can't see myself marrying him. He doesn't have any children and his wife died several years ago. He is a contractor and he lives alone. He has two houses and collects rent on one. He also does farming.

Every Saturday, he gives me $2,000 to go to the supermarket and I don't think that is good enough. I am not working now and I can't find a job. I was working in Mandeville for a while, but got laid off. I cry every day because I can't help myself right now. I told him I am planning to do a course in cosmetology and he did not say a word. I think it's because he thought I was going to ask him for the money to pay for the course. He doesn't give me any assistance other than the $2,000 on Saturdays. The money he gives me cannot help to pay my rent, light bill or partner money and he has never asked how I manage to pay them.

Not begging

I don't think it's fair to beg men for assistance. They are supposed to know when women are in need of things. At times, it's my daughter's father who helps me with my bills. I cannot live with my daughter's father as he is very abusive. I am stressed out. Out of the $2,000 I get from my lover, I have to give him breakfast and dinner out of it. He is not good in bed and is not a fun person. Do you think I should marry this man?

I met another man about two years ago. He is incarcerated in the United States of America. We met through THE Star Connections feature. We have been writing each other for the past two years and have exchanged photos. He will be released this month and has told me he wants to marry me when he gets out. I don't know if I should stay with the mean man or go with the prisoner. Please help me.

I will soon be doing the cosmetology course at a national institution which is offering it free of cost to the public. The mean man doesn't give me anything at all, not even a portion of the produce from his farm. He hides when he is selling his produce. For the month that I was working, he didn't give me any money, saying he was broke. I had to find my fare and pay my bills. Please pray for me. God bless you.

M.J., Clarendon, Jamaica

Dear M.J.,

I don't know why you are staying with this man. He's a wicked brute. You are behaving as though you are not intelligent and I know you are intelligent. You should leave this man without a wink. What does he expect you to do with $2,000 that he benefits from? How can that buy groceries for a week for a 55-year-old man and his woman? He doesn't know how to take care of a woman. And he's only making a fool of you when he suggests that he wants to marry you. I suppose he said that because he wants you to stay with him, but he doesn't deserve you.

Fed up

A mean man is a mean man. And mean men don't change easily. The next time he offers you the $2,000 to go to the supermarket, tell him you want him to go on his own but give him a list of things he should purchase. If he protests, tell him that you are trying to teach him that the $2,000 that he is giving you can only buy toilet paper and that you are fed up with his behaviour.

Use the opportunity to tell him how you feel and to show him that since both of you have been together, he has not helped you in any way. And yet he says that he wants to marry you. If he truly wants you, he should put his money where his mouth is. Ask him if he has ever considered how you are meeting your bills. Don't suffer in silence. It is time for you to talk. Tell him you want an allowance from him every week, otherwise you are going to have to move on.

Concerning the prisoner, I will not encourage you to become involved with him. He cannot even help himself. So he's not going to be able to help you for a long time, even if the relationship becomes serious. And I wouldn't encourage you to marry anybody for convenience.

Learn to trust God. Right now things are rough. And this no-good man, who is a contractor, landlord and farmer, is not making it easy for you. He is not even sharing the things from his garden with you. He is really not a good man. You should tell him the truth and stop cooking for him because he is only using you.

Pastor