DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. TELEPHONE: 929-1667/8. EMAIL: PASTOR@JAMAICASTAR.COM. OR, VISIT MY WEBSITE AT DEARPASTOR.COM

Dear Pastor,

I read your column regularly and find it very constructive. Keep up the good work. I have a situation and I need your advice. I met a man in 2003. He knew I had a daughter and that we were living together and paying rent. He told me that he could let me get a three-bedroom house and stop paying rent, so I agreed. I got the house and he moved in with us in 2006. He asked me to marry him and I did.

Daughter left

Shortly after we got married, he told me that my only child could not stay at the house anymore, so she moved out. He and I have living together ever since. He has 12 children. Five of them lived near us. They would come to the house and do anything they want. My husband went away for nearly a month and I had to send three of his children to school, even though their mother was around.

My husband cheats and sometimes sleeps out. I would get calls on my house phone from women who would call me all sorts of names. I confronted my husband about a woman he was involved with and he told me that I should move out so he can move in his sweetheart, as he doesn't care what I do or say. I thought our marriage would last as long as there was love, but I was wrong. I ended our marriage and relationship over 10 months ago. When I moved out, my husband's sweetheart moved in.

It was hard for me to walk away from someone I love. I am self-employed, while he is trying to find a job to make ends meet.

When we were together, I paid for everything - even my ring and our small wedding. I took care of all the expenses as he was not working and therefore had nothing to contribute except the house. Now that his sweetheart has left him, he's trying to get me to take him back. He asked me to forgive him and I did. I help him in anyway I can.

I gave my life to the Lord seven months ago and up to the time of writing this letter I am happy to be with Him. I live with one of my sisters now and I am happy. My husband has asked my sister to tell me to come back to him. My sister asked him about letting my daughter live at the house and he told her that my daughter is a big woman and that she must go at it on her own. After my daughter moved out, I did not see or hear from her for eight months. I didn't know how she ate, drank or slept. And now she is back in my life, the only child that God has blessed me with. Why should his kids be treated better than mine?

I am asking you to pray for me and my daughter. I am waiting on your advice to tell me what to do as you are the only one I can talk to. Thank you and keep up your good work. God bless you. I always give God thanks for you.

C.R., Kingston, Jamaica

Dear C.R.,

I am happy to hear from you. I could never encourage you to go back to your husband. He is only a husband by name and nothing else. He did not treat you or your daughter well. He thought that you wouldn't have the courage to leave him, but I am glad you left him and kept your sanity. You are a wise woman. You learned to love yourself first. He has not changed. He may say he has, but he hasn't. He has nothing, not even a job and you should not support him by returning to the house and paying all the bills.

Leave the house

What you should do, is ask him to leave the house so that it can be rented. And you will have income from it, not to support him, but to help you with your bills. The women that he kept with you are not able to help him. They are not fools; they wanted much more from him than sex.

What men fail to understand is that sex cannot pay rent or mortgage. It cannot buy groceries. It cannot pay transportation costs, neither can it pay the electric or water bills. Money is what is needed in a home. So all these guys who consider themselves kingpins must realise that they are going to get knocked by intelligent women and they are going to find themselves wanting as the years go by.

Madam, stay with your sister. Love your daughter and serve your God.

Pastor