DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR AARON DUMAS, PO BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. TELEPHONE: 929-1667/8. EMAIL: PASTOR@JAMAICASTAR.COM. OR, VISIT MY WEBSITE AT DEARPASTOR.COM

Dear Pastor,

I have a situation that is driving me crazy. I have been involved in an on-again-off-again relationship for the past four years. We both cheated on each other, but apparently what I did hurt more. I asked my boyfriend for forgiveness, but he told me he would not forgive me. This caused me a lot of stress. I could not eat or sleep. I could only cry. It even affected my performance at work. I had to be seeing the doctor regularly and began to experience fainting spells.

Another woman

I called him once more begging for forgiveness. He told me he would think about it. We were able to talk things over, but he admitted that although he had forgiven me the wrong I did, he would not forget. We are currently seeing each other, but he has another woman in his life who lives in the United States.

He wants me to be his girlfriend while he continues to date this other woman who comes to Jamaica for visits. He said he could not afford to lose either of us. He said he will always be in Jamaica and that she only comes to visit. He said I will always have him and I am not to worry over the situation. But I am worried, because I feel that I am going to lose him to this woman in the States who has money. I cry myself to sleep at nights thinking about the situation.

I feel as if I am going mad. We have been through a lot together. What should I do? I need your advice. I am very confused. I would like to see you for counselling. God bless you, and keep up the good work.

D.M., St Ann, Jamaica

Dear D.M.,

This young man is not speaking the truth. He knows that his heart is with the woman who lives in the United States and that she will eventually become his wife. He is fooling you, my dear. Perhaps he doesn't want you to suffer any more, so he is telling you what he believes you want to hear; that is, he loves you and would want both of you to continue to be friends. What he really wants is the opportunity to be intimate with you while his girlfriend is away and you are available.

Unfortunately, you are so much in love with him that you cannot see that he is not altogether honest. You have your doubts, but you don't have the courage to tell the man to get lost and that you don't want him in your life any more. He is messing up your life, so to speak. You know that he has the other woman, but you feel that you love him so much that you can't let him go. I am telling you now that if you don't let him go, your emotions will never be healed.

Cannot forgive

I don't know why you believe that what you did was so bad that he cannot forgive you and yet you have forgiven him. I want to tell you that he's using what you did as an excuse to be with the other woman and string you along. I am sorry that I have to disappoint you by telling you the truth, but I must.

Tell this man to go. You will not forget him, but you have to consider him dead. Pick up the pieces and move on. God may give you a better man. People make mistakes. Nobody is immune from it. Whatever mistakes you might have made it is in the past.

Pastor