Dear Pastor,

My husband and I have been together for 17 years and married for 11. We both have kids from previous relationships. We share two beautiful children who he would give his life for. The problem I have is that since the birth of our child four years old child I began noticing that he would do things he had never done before, such as not call when he would be late, not letting me know where he's going and working late after a couple of months. I confronted him and asked if he was having an affair. He said no, so I dropped the issue.

During this time, we stopped having sex (his doing, not mine). A friend saw him driving around with a woman in his car once while I was away. When I questioned him about it, he admitted that she was a friend. This has been going on for three years. I found out about him and another woman and he admitted to having had an affair with her. He begged for forgiveness, saying he didn't want to lose his family.

My problem is I don't trust him anymore and I always think he's up to something. I have been going to counselling for some months now, but I can't get him to go. He keeps promising to do so but never does. I don't know what to make of all this. I am confused. With all that said, I love my husband very much and he treats me well. I am not in need of anything and I know he loves me in his own way, but I don't know how much longer I can remain in this situation. Please, help me.

J.L., Jamaica

Dear J.L.,

Something is wrong and this man is not telling you what it is. Something is causing this man to stray. What is it? He admitted that he cheated and you forgave him, but you suspect that he's still cheating. Is there something that you or he could do differently to help the relationship?

I'm going to be frank with you. Hang on in this relationship. You say he's a good man. Continue to attend counselling. It would help you to know how to deal with the situation. Be as sweet as possible to your husband. When he comes home with his cheque, control it. You may have to demand the cheque to make sure he does not squander his money on other women.

Sometimes when he's going out, tell him that you would like to accompany him because you have decided that you are not going to stay home everyday and be worried about what he is doing out there.

Pastor