I have a very serious issue. I have been living with my partner for the past five years. He has one child. I have done nothing but good for them both. Now we have constant arguments. This has even happened when the child is around. It breaks my heart as I care about this man, but I am not in love with him. At times I want to leave him, but I consider his son and the fact that he is a single father. I know that it would be hard on him to take care of this child on his own. Where is the mom you may ask? That's a good question.

He is boring

I do love his son very much, but this person is making my life very miserable. He is boring and does not know how to show love. I have thought about cheating on him, but don't want to do so, as I would not want him to do the same to me. We have sex once or twice a month, sometimes a month and a half, and this is driving me insane. I am not an old person, neither is he. I have tried numerous times to make our relationship work, but it isn't getting any better. We live in the same house and sleep in the same bed as roommates. I cook, he eats. I do everything a wife does for her family. We are a family of five. I have two kids of my own.

He isn't rich

I am so unhappy. He never tells me if he loves or cares about me. He basically does not have any shred of passion about him. He doesn't abuse me, he isn't rich, and he can't really afford to take care of me. I don't ask for much from a man, just respect and love for me. I'm ok with that. He helps out with our bills, but never goes out and buys me a rose or underwear or something, ever. I have tried, really I have.

How bad can life get?

Our meeting wasn't unique, but we stuck together as he seemed to be an ok guy, and I didn't listen to what others were telling me about him. I tend to listen to my heart and not the words of others. He doesn't go to parties. He is just so boring, Pastor. Really, I hang on praying every day that he would change even a few of his ways. We don't even go to a movie. How bad can life get?

P. P., Boston, USA

Dear P.P.,

You have to determine what you want out of life. Nobody else can do so for you. You are a grown woman. When you met this man, before you decided to live with him, you should have checked him out and you should have tried to find out whether both of you suited each other. I get the impression that you allowed yourself and this man to get together because he can assist you with your bills.

You don't love him

Why do you tolerate him? You have admitted you don't love him. You know very well that he would survive if you were to leave him. He won't die. So, your having him around is much more than what you are saying. Yes, you are having sex with him, but is that what you want out of life? You are most unhappy. You talk about his son, but you know very well that although his son may miss you, his father will find ways of seeing to it that he is cared for.

So, think about yourself and your children and their future. Right now you are behaving as a helper with benefits. Is that what you want out of life?

Pastor