Dear Pastor,

First of all, let me congratulate you on your columns. I have been reading your work since I was 14 years old and I think you give really great advice. I am an 18-year-old female living in New York. Growing up, I always had trust issues with men because of the things I saw the men in my own family do. I always had a problem with being committed to one guy and kept playing around so as not to get hurt.

Best friends

I recently became involved with a guy who I believe is good for me. The problem is I have trouble trusting him for many reasons: he has a lot of 'best friends' who are girls, we never get to spend any time together, we hardly speak, and he always has an excuse for not seeing me, such as work. I really like this guy, but I believe he is cheating on me with his 'best friends'. When I question him about it, he laughs and tells me not to worry because his heart belongs to me and I am his belle.

I am seriously considering breaking up with him, but I don't want to end the relationship if the problem is all in my head. I need your advice.

S.W., New York, U.S.A.

Dear S.W.,

You have to settle the matter of trust in your mind. Because you grew up seeing how your male relatives treated women, you were fully convinced that men are not trustworthy and cannot have steady relationships; that they are all players. You admitted that you didn't take any man seriously until you met your present boyfriend. Now you have good enough reason to believe that he is a player and from what you have written, he seems to be.

Playing around

You have attracted what you have become. Perhaps he knows that you have not had very steady relationships either. So he is not taking the relationship that both of you have seriously. He laughed when you questioned him about his 'best friends'. He didn't deny that he was playing around. He only assured you that you are his belle. The question is: how many belles does he have?

Frankly, I suggest that you keep him as a friend. Don't get closer to him because unless he changes his attitude towards women and towards you in particular, you will get hurt. What I am trying to say is: don't put your whole heart on this man, expect the worse at any time.

Pastor