My husband and I have been married for 27 years and I found out that he is cheating on me. Two weeks ago, I went through his phone and saw 177 text messages in his phone. When I spoke to him about it, he told me to show him the messages on it. When he gave me the phone and I started searching for the numbers, he grabbed it away and told me I was lying.

SLEEPS WITH PHONE IN POCKET

He used to put his wallet, phone and keys on the dresser, but doesn't do that any more. He turns off his phone when he comes home and sleeps with the phone in his pocket. He goes to the bathroom, the hallway or into the car to make his sneaky phone calls.

I don't want to be with him any more because he keeps lying and doesn't act like a married man. He sleeps out, and when I call he doesn't answer his phone and when he does, he tells me bad words. He accuses me of doing the things he is doing, and I am tired of it.

Pastor, the clothes I buy for him I don't know where half of them are. The girl he is messing around with doesn't even know that he is married. He doesn't love me, because love is not supposed to hurt. Love is fatal; every week we curse each other.

PICKS FIGHT

No day passes without him wanting to go and sleep with the girl. On those occasions, he picks a fight with me and sleeps out for two to three days. When I call, he doesn't answer his phone. When he returns home, he acts as if nothing happened.

Pastor, I am going to tell him how I feel and if he doesn't try to change, I promise myself that 2009 will not catch me with him. That is my new year's resolution. I want to be happy, and I am not going to be happy with him.

A.W.

Dear A.W.,

Try and get your husband to go with you to see a family counsellor. Do everything to try to save your marriage. But if your husband continues to treat you disrespectfully and refuses to go for counselling, then you should consider separating yourself from him, even if it is for a while.

Pastor