Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and have been in a relationship with a 20-year-old lab technician at my college for eight months. I was happy that I had found someone to love me for who I am. For the first seven months everything was wonderful and went well. Then things began to change. If I questioned him about his whereabouts, it would develop into an argument. He used to call me nightly. Nowadays, when I ask him why he doesn't call or if he'll call me, he tells me that he does not have money to buy credit. I was sick for two weeks and he did not call to ask if I was ok.

The other girl

Recently, he came to my house and spent the night with me and I felt better about our situation, because he explained that he was busy. One day while viewing my profile on a known dating website, a friend asked if he was my boyfriend. I replied yes. She told me she thought it was another girl who was calling him her man. I confronted him about it, but he denied it. A few weeks later another friend and I were talking, and she told me that she heard he was seeing a brown girl. It was the same person both girls, who are not friends, were talking about.

He is a bit mature for his age. Everything I do starts an argument. Because he is always busy, we do not speak at school, but would meet on weekends.

A friend, who is a registrar at the college, brought us home from our 'freshers' at college, and my boyfriend did not call me, as he normally would, to ask if I was ok. I have never done this guy anything other than argue over the lack of attention. Each time I call, he either doesn't answer his phone or doesn't return my call. This upsets me and we always end up arguing.

Returned items

I was upset about the situation and did a stupid thing: I gave him a picture for his birthday and asked him to return it. I also told him I would return his. I didn't mean it, but he returned the picture the following day. I thought this would solve my problem, but it only made matters worse. He asked me to return a ring he had given me. I told him he would have to come for it himself. His mom came the following day and told me that the ring belonged to his sister and that he had borrowed it. I felt very embarrassed because people had seen me wearing the ring.

He kept telling me not to feel insecure because the relationship was not over. Despite all that, he was still ignoring me. He assured me that we would still be together, but explained that he was stressed and needed some time alone. He finally told me that he did not feel the same as he did about me and that he regarded us as just friends. He asked me to be patient and give him some time to think.

Pastor, I gave my all to this guy and now I am confused. I cry regularly and feel as if I am carrying a heavy burden. I thought I was involved in a serious relationship. I am confused and don't know what to do.

Do you think he will take me back?

V.T.,

Dear V.T.,

Really, why would you want to go back to this man? He has made a fool of you. If you have any common sense at all, you would not want to see him. And if both of you happen to see each other on the street, you should walk on the other side and ignore him. He has disrespected you. Imagine him giving you a ring, knowing that the ring belonged to his sister. I could imagine how you were cocking up your finger to show that you were wearing a ring from your man. What an embarrassment!

Again I ask, why would you want to go back to this man? He has other women. Try to keep yourself focused on your studies. This man will give you heartache all the time. Whether you know it or not, he does not love or care for you. So, try to adjust to the fact that the relationship has ended.

Pastor