I have a problem that I need your advice on. I recently got reunited with my first love. I met this man when I was 14 years of age. After 26 years and being divorced after an 18-year marriage, I decided to give marriage a second chance.

This man and I dated long distance for a year and then got married in a private ceremony. I lied to my family about our marriage, as I still used my maiden name. After a year of marriage, my husband lost his job, and since then I have been supporting him. I recently moved everything I owned to Jamaica and now he is living like a king. I cater to all his needs.

Erectile dysfunction

My husband suffers from erectile dysfunction and refuses to get treatment. He has also gained a lot of weight and, now, his overbearing stomach turns me off. I tried telling him that excessive alcohol use can cause erectile dysfunction, but each time I bring up the subject, he gets on the defensive.

I try to visit the United States every two months. On those occasions, he doesn't consider that I could have been cheating. He does not try to make our marriage work. He makes a fuss when we are in bed, just to not have sex. He even called me a sex addict. I am not saying that I don't enjoy having sex, but I try to tell him that I only love to have sex with him. If I was a sex addict I would be cheating on him when he is away from me.

ONCE IN THREE YEARS

Pastor, we have only had sex once in the last three years. I love my husband very much and will do anything to make our marriage work. We frequently quarrel when I visit, and I no longer feel like going home to him.

Pastor, tell me how can a husband call his wife a sex addict when they only have sex three or four times every eight to ten weeks? Please help me because this is the quickest divorce I have ever thought about getting. I am fed up.

Fed Up, USA

Dear Fed Up,

How can you convince your husband to seek professional help? I can't imagine that he would believe that you are satisfied with the relationship. I must commend you for staying faithful to him despite his problem. You are a good woman.

Pastor

May I suggest that you take one of your friends in your confidence, preferably a man, and tell him the situation and ask him to speak to your husband privately on the matter.

This person will encourage him to go to the doctor for help. It is a risk you have to take. And what I mean is that, he may become very upset because you tell someone of his problem. But, you would have to defend your action by reminding him that he refuses to listen to you and you have done so out of frustration.

Pastor