I've read your column and see you have helped others. I need your fatherly advice. I found out that my husband fathered a child outside of our marriage. This child is one week younger than my daughter who is five.

I have tried on more than one occasion to work things out with my husband, but each time the subject of the child comes up, he shuts me out and replies in an insulting manner as if I was the one who went and did wrong. At one point he told me I shouldn't worry about it as he's not with the child's mother, but he pays child support. I'm 100% for the child support as I wouldn't want to be in a situation where the father of my child is not supportive.

Goes out and comes in

My problem, however, is he goes out and comes in as he wishes. And whenever I want to go somewhere, it is always a problem. There are times when I don't even know where he is and I can't reach him on his phone. When he reaches home he always turns off the cellphone. I can't help but be suspicious of his behaviour. Whenever I try to talk with him, he utters curse words at me. I think I have enough of this man's behaviour towards me. I've always been there for him and our two kids.

Please advise me. And if you are going to tell me that the both of us should seek counselling, it's a definite no-no for him because I've mentioned this to him before.

M. C., St. Catherine, Jamaica

Dear M. C.,

I suppose you would like your husband to say that he is sorry for what has happened and he needs your forgiveness. And you believe that he is still having an intimate relationship with the child's mother. If it is not with her, it is with another woman.

His behaviour has caused you to be suspicious and rightly so. On the other hand, I am wondering if you are nagging this man, and making the situation worse.

This man is not interested in going for counselling, so you must decide whether or not you can live with him or divorce him. It is solely up to you.

Pastor.