Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old and trying to live a Christian life. I have been married for six years but I have known my husband for 17 years. We have four children together. I love him but, because of his constant abuse and cheating, I decided to put a stop to our relationship. We separated three years ago. It was devastating because the children were with me and I was not working. He hardly supports us.

I got a job and he moved on with our neighbour as his lover. I am not saying I was not at fault. I was a bit aggressive and was not paying him much attention because of his abuse. I was not giving him much sex, as often as he wanted it. He was a Christian and we used to have some good times together.

Holding back

Pastor, I met another man. He is not a Christian but I have been encouraging him to become one, so we can get married. I know he loves me but I am holding back my love because I don't want to get hurt again. He's also married but separated from his wife for about four years. I've known him for a year.

My husband and his girlfriend have broken up and now he is coming around and asking for us to get back together. I cannot leave my boyfriend, just like that, because he is always there for me and he supports the children. I have not found any fault with him except for his smoking. My husband does not help with the children's books, clothes, food or medical expenses. He only gives a little lunch money.

I am eagerly awaiting your fatherly advice.

S. H., St Catherine, Jamaica

Dear S. H.,

Your husband and you decided to separate. Both of you have moved on. You have found a new lover and he treats you very well. He has his faults but both of you are in love.

Although he is not the biological father of your children, he has acted as their father. Now that your husband has played the fool, he has come to realise that you are a good woman and he needs to return to you. You do not believe that you should return to him. Argument done!

It could have been different, if you were moping over him or if you had known him to be a wonderful father and a reasonable man. But, he has not been. If you believe that the man, with whom you have been going for the past year, will eventually get a divorce and marry you, and that both of you will be happy, go for him.

Don't allow your husband to make you into a fool. A man should not be made to feel that he can walk in and out on a woman. A woman should be treated with respect and men ought to learn that, without good women, life would be meaningless and empty.

Pastor