Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old woman living in England. I have been with my husband for 17 years, but we have been married for 12. Over the years, we have had good and bad times.

The bad times are mostly caused by my husband, who is always on the hunt for women. When we first met, he was the nicest man I could have ever asked for. And, because of this, I trusted him 100 per cent.

At the time, if anyone had told me he was a cheater, I would not have believed it. In 1998, he began to change. It got so bad that I was forced to confront him about these changes.

He replied by saying that he had not changed, but he had. He then started to treat me really badly, and we were fighting all the time.

He had even started to tell people that he was not married. He has stopped wearing his wedding ring. I overheard him telling a girl, over the phone, that I was just a friend. I later confronted him about it and he started to argue and called me a lair.

Sleeping with the maid

I also found out from a friend, who is like a father to me, that he has been sleeping with the maid next door. I asked him about it and he denied it, until one Saturday night I received a phone call from a lady, informing me that she was once with my husband and things were great until he began to change. Before I could go any further into the conversation, he came into the room and told me not to listen to that woman.

I was so angry I started fighting him. A man living with us had to step in. I cannot trust him anymore and, because of this, I have stopped believing things that he says. I have tried, but it is not working. He has always said that a relationship is based on trust, and if there is no trust, something is wrong.

Right now the devil is telling me to kill him with a knife while he is asleep. That is all I think of.

I also have another problem. He believes nothing is wrong with him having a child outside of the marriage, since we have been trying and nothing has happened.

Llow sperm count

But he cannot get any woman pregnant because he has a low sperm count. We have been to the doctor and I even have the paper we got back in February.

So, when he told me he was leaving, I told him to go and "mind his jacket".

The worst thing about the situation is, he has no use. I have wasted my sex life on him. I should have cheated a long time ago, but I did not, because I loved him "for better" and "for worse".

Which woman would remain faithful to a man, for 17 years, who is the king of half-minute sex? Since he wants to live that way, he will have to get company to help him out.

Please, pastor, tell me what to do.

R.E., London, England

Dear R.E.,

What this man and you need is God in your lives. Your husband is running around with another woman to try to prove that he has use.

Poor fellow. You know that he cannot manage.

Unhappy

He is unhappy and you are unhappy. But I wouldn't suggest that you leave him. He needs you. Pray with him. Take him to church.

Tell him that after 17 years of being together, it is time to stop fighting and serve God. Ask your pastor and everybody to pray for him.

Take him to a sex therapist. He needs help.

Pastor

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