Dear Pastor,

I am a 36-year-old man living in America. I have been living here for 14 years. I was married to an American girl. It did not work out so we called it quits. I went to Jamaica to visit my kids' relatives, and while I was there I came across my high school sweetheart. She is my first son's mother. We decided to give our relationship another try. When she was pregnant at 19, I messed up and got another girl pregnant, so we broke up. Six months later, I left Jamaica.

No trust

Anyway, we got married. I did everything for her to be happy. I built a nice house in Jamaica for her and bought her a car. The problem is that she doesn't trust me. Now, I am trying to be a good husband. I even helped her to come on the work programme. For the past 10 years, this is the first time we have lived together for six months. We have been married for one-and-a-half years. I love her dearly but she cannot get over the past. She calls me at work and keeps checking up on me. She says I have lived here too long not to have another woman. I told her that if that was the case, she wouldn't be with me, but she doesn't see my point. I don't hang out. I am home every night with her and she thinks that I am sending money to a woman in Jamaica. I am doing my best, but she still can't trust me. We argue a lot and now I am thinking that living with her is wrong.

Pastor, please tell me what to do.

C.T., Virginia, USA

Dear C. T.,

You should tell your wife that you are fed up. You are tired of the nagging. Tell her enough is enough and you don't wish to be judged by your past life.

Having said the above, I must remind you that it is difficult to rebuild trust, but it can be done. Sometimes a family counsellor can assist a couple in this area of trust.

Pastor