Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column from I was a child and never thought that I would reach a point where I would need to write. I hope you can give me your fatherly advice which will help me to make a good decision.

I have been with a man since I was a child. I was still in my parent's house and he was living with his girlfriend. He never used a condom while we were having sex although I asked him to use it on a number of occasions. I got pregnant in my early teens. I am one of two girls who got pregnant around the same time.

Other girls

There were other girls in the community who were having relationships with him, but did not get pregnant. I knew about a baby mother who had a child for him and only to find out that she just gave birth to another after I was pregnant. During that time I was told by my friends that he was saying that he was not the child's father.

I was very fortunate to get back in high school. After two years in high school, he started to help me and the child. While going back to school I was living with him and I noticed that he was along with girls of the same age group when he started talking to me, but I needed the help so I stayed at the house. I was so frightened to find out that he and his other baby mothers were still together as he told me that they were apart. God helped me and I finished high school and started college.

He denied every case

During the week while I was away, he was having relationship with other girls and this is still happening. This is what I have been hearing from neighbours and friends. When I confronted him he denied every case. More than one of the girls that he has been with confessed to having a relationship with him.

I realised that he started treating my child very badly whenever the other children are there. I remember him beating my child one week very harshly. Of course there were cuts and bruises on him too. I would become very angry after realising that my child was treated unfairly. He is very abusive to me and also a liar. He lies for the simplest things.

Childish behaviour

I knew he was living this kind of life while I was talking to him as a child, but I was so young and did not know how to make wise decisions for myself. What I was hoping for was that after behaving this way for so many years he would have become mature and put away the childish behaviour.

Now that I have realised the kind of man that I have been with and am not satisfied with his behaviour, I think I should move on. There is a problem though, as after realising the facts about him I told him that I am going to move out after finishing as I do not agree with his behaviour. He says that I'm ungrateful and does not want me to take the child with me. What would you do if you were in this situation? I really need some advice from you.

I try to forgive him, but I can't forget most of the bad things. Right now I have no feelings for sex and he tries to force me and doesn't want to use a condom. I have no respect for him and tell him anything that comes to my mind as I feel that will hurt him. I think part of my lacking respect for him is that he started having sex with me at the age of nine. I have never ever cheated on him but thoughts of it keep coming up in my head lately.

Confused, St Andrew, Jamaica

Dear Confused,

Your child's father is living a wild life and if you allow him to have unprotected sex with you, he may get you pregnant again. He started to have sex with you when you were nine years old. He is a wicked man. Hurry up and get out of his house. Take your child. If he tries to fight you for the child, go to the Family Court and tell them the whole story from top to bottom.

Pastor