Dear Pastor,

I have been in a seven-year, whirlwind relationship and I need a godly person to advise me. My child's father was recently deported to his native country. Before that, he lived in America where, for four years, we were in a relationship full of turmoil.

I gave birth to his son in 2004 amid his denial that the child was his. After that he ended up in prison and was then de-ported. I am so devastated by his absence. During his incar-ceration, I sent money to him faithfully. I went to visit him when I could. He was tran-sported to the Midwest, before finally being deported, and I even travelled with my son to see him before he was sent home.

Asked me to marry him

I have been a very loyal person, but he has not been loyal to me. I, perhaps, know the answer to my own ques-tion, but it is just so hard to let go of this relationship. I tra-velled to see him in his native country and stayed for a month. I had such a great time. Everything about the trip went as planned and he was able to bond with his son. He even asked me to marry him and we obtained a marriage licence.

Secrets from his past

I uncovered many secrets from his past that disturbed me so much. I found letters from women who had written to him professing love for him. I also found numbers in a small, black phone book. I answered two calls from women. We fought over these discoveries, but later we made up. He has apologised and even cried for forgiveness. He does not claim to be perfect, but said he is trying to change. Yet, I cannot trust him and I admit that I am a very insecure and jealous person.

Incapable of leaving him

I have tried to break up with this man so many times. I feel he may even have a spell over me that renders me incapable of going. But, he adores his son, he is my first love and the father of my first child.

Should I stick this out and see if we can stand the test of time? Or should I sever all ties?

Hurting Child of God, USA

Dear Hurting,

You should know what you want from a relationship. If you have that settled in your mind, you should ask your-self whether your present relationship is meeting these needs.

Be practical. Will this man be able to return to live in America? If that is not possible, do you believe he will be able to live in his country without becoming involved with another woman? Would you give up America and go and live with him?

Get real, no spell is on you. Just use your head.

Pastor