Dear Pastor,

I am a Jamaican living in Canada for the last 19 years. The problem I am having is with my wife. She curses a lot. She swears for the simplest things. We have an eight years old son who she thinks is disobedient. I told her the child reacts like that because of the way he was taught by her.

We own a house and she always contends that the house is hers because when we purchased the house she put three thousand more than me. But after that we both pay half the mortgage. However, I pay all the other bills alone. These include light bill, water, car insurance, food, etc. She contends that man must work and take care of the woman's needs. She suggested that if she is going to pay half the bills, I cannot sleep in the same bed with her.

Regrets

I came to Canada and sent for her from Jamaica. We have four kids together and at times I regret that I took her over here. I also have two other kids which she adamantly refuses to allow me to take up here in the beginning. But after constantly talking to her, she said ok. When I sent the papers to immigration, it was denied because of age factor. She keeps her bank account to herself. Only when the mortgage is due she puts her share in the account. I told her I think it is time we move on. It is too much stress on me to carry all the bills of the house.

What do you suggest I do, pastor?

M. S., Canada

Dear M. S.,

I suggest that your wife and you go for counselling. She is speaking like an ignorant woman. An intelligent woman learns to share what she earns with her family. The first thing that should be done is for both of you to make a budget and to put what you earn together. Some couples find it convenient to keep separate accounts, but that is after all the bills are paid.

Some men are not good in handling money so they rely on their wives to take care of everything. And the wives don't only pay the bills, they save a portion of the money earned every month. In fact, good wives can almost make bread out of stone. And in time of crisis, she can always assure her man that there is money in the savings account.

Women who do not trust their husbands, open accounts and put their fathers, mothers or siblings on their accounts. It is very sad when women are forced to take such action. But some brothers go quietly to the bank and are always withdrawing money from the joint accounts.

There are men who do not trust their women with money. They are always afraid that the women will withdraw the money from the accounts and give to their relatives who made be in need or spend the money on non essential things. When couples cannot trust each other the marriages will not work. It is only a matter of time before spouses go their separate ways.

I do not know if your wife and yourself went for premarital counselling, but it is evident from what you have written that both of you have not learnt how to manage your money and whose responsibility it is to pay the bills. So I repeat, see a counsellor.

Pastor