What a gwaan mi massive? Oonu alright? Mi naw tell no lie, mi feel sick yah now undah some flu and fi mek it wuss mi still haffi a go wuk, not to mention say mi deh yah a try write di column an every minute di bloomin mouse deh dance all ovah di screen. Not a good day! Ah bwoy! So it go still, so suss time! And yes Janice mi get yuh email and mi a go call yuh when mi free up. Mi apologise so much! WHA DI BACKFOOT YUH LINK MEAN?

My youth, mi naw tell no lie, when mi see di link name 'ghetto-girl4life', mi nevah know wedda fi bawl or laugh! Wha yuh mean fi set up yuh ting wid deh link deh? Yuh mean yuh love ghetto gal, right? But yuh nuh too young fi a dabble inna dem tings deh anyway? And yuh naw come out wid no new song? From yuh say 'stookie' mi nuh hear not even one tight pants tear from yuh again. Whaapen to di case wid yuh parents? Who yuh live wid now, still di same adopted family or wha? If yuh still live wid yuh father, yuh need fi splurt cause mi nuh waah see yuh inna no more tight clothes! Is not a good habit! As fi you Miss Jacquee, what a way yuh start look betta from wha day yah! But yuh muss sort out yuh son life an put him fuss and stop draw him inna yuh an yuh ex-husband drama.

YOIIIU AIIIRE THA WEAKEST LINK! GOODBYE

Bwoy, is di end of yet anodda saga eeh? As mi did ask last week: Goliathena, how yuh feel say di man gone back to him wife? Mi wudda feel like one squeeze out bag juice; but mi guess yuh have so much length and size, it wudda tek fi eva and eva (and eva) fi yuh flatten out, not to mention di protective gear wha yuh have pon yuh head. Oh sorry, smaddy juss pinch mi an mek mi know is a wig.

But anyway, yuh muss feel a way, cause yuh memba dem days deh l when di man deh pon tour a Japan and him a mek call a foreign to US radio station an deh pon phone fi how much hour a chat bout yuh? Heh hey! As fi di on and off again wife, mi nuh have no comment fi mek except, 'yuh mek yuh bed, so lie dung in deh! An nuh come back eena no paper a cuss an quarrel when yuh mek yuh decision...AGAIN'. And Nikki, mi hear di new Barbee song yuh play. It actually soun good, an mi cyaan believe! It look like when woman deh wid deh guy deh, dem haffi lef him fi dem start sound good yaw man!

FIYAH FI DEM!

Mi nuh understand how some a dem always a go proclaim God and talk bout dem holy ghost-filled an by now everybody know say dem a di biggest fraud! Oonu nuh notice how a next gospel artiste alone start shine more dan di biggest church heathen? Mi say massive, mi hear a ting, wha have mi vex like twiss up face Stit! Mi come fi understand say di church heathen always go a foreign an when hi done perform inna CHURCH, di man tell dem fi tek up offering. But ah nuh dat a di problem, him a say him naw tek nuttin less dan US$100.

When mi hear mi haffi say 'cackabackfoot! A cudda wah dis Father God?' But wussarah part is dat di people dem really tek up dem money and gih di man! Mi nearly drop dung! Mi say, a shudda out yah him a pull dem stunt deh! Him wudda get some rockstone inna di church deh day deh, him wudda know wha 'kuff kwaf kwef' wha him a fling pon him ex-woman mean! Den have di gall fi a put yuh next gal pon yuh show! Gweh! Fiyah an brimstone fi oonu!

Latah massive, mi gone go drink some tea yaw man! Link mi pon: hotgalcherry@hotmail.com