The Jamaica Star :: Tell Me Pastor :: In love with married man

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. TELEPHONE: 929-1667/8. EMAIL: PASTOR@JAMAICASTAR.COM

Dear Pastor,

I am a young lady who has a big problem. I have been in love with two men. I have been with both men for five to six years now. One of them was my boyfriend and the other one is married. The one that was my boyfriend is too abusive and controlling. He does not give me any breathing space. Then again, he looks out for me a lot and he loves to spend time with me. What I dislike is that he does not want to brush up his lifestyle. He worries so much about material things. And I think that he still has a 'boyish' mentality.

Set me on the right track

Now, I am more in love with this married man. He is older and I think that he will set me on the right track. He was the main reason why I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. I spend a lot of time with this guy. He spends more time with me than with his wife. He tells me that the only reason he is with her is because he wants her to get her citizenship for the country and he helps to run her business for now. And that's the truth. All he is waiting for is for me to get a little older and then I will be with him fully. The thing is this, everyone knows this man is very fortunate and he has a lot of assets. People say that he uses girls because he has money. I don't want them to think that I am with him because of that.

Lot of children

I have known this guy before he had what he has. He might have done it in the past but, out of all of them, he picked me. He is like my best friend. He has children, more than five, with different mothers. Don't get me wrong. He takes care of all of them. That bothers me a lot because I don't have any children and I want my first to be with someone who doesn't have a child or children. He wants the best for me. He even wants to send me back to school and all that.

Everyday he tells me that he loves me. I know he does because no matter how busy he is, he still takes time out to come and see me or he will take me around with him for the whole day. He doesn't want me to be with anyone else. It's like all his workers know about me. It's not that I am bragging because it's someone's husband. He comes to check up on me anytime and any hour. He introduced me to his family and all. We are all close and they all love and care for me. I have not told my mother or my ex-boyfriend the big secret.

Ex-boyfriend confronted him

I told my ex-boyfriend that I like him, but I didn't tell him that we had sex. My ex-boyfriend confronted him already about me, but he denied it and so did I. I don't want anyone to know until the right time. They just have it in their minds that we have something going on, but they can't prove it. My ex-boyfriend is crazy and I don't want him to trouble him because he is a businessman and also everyone will look at me as the bad one. My ex-boyfriend is crazy in love with me. He has threatened to kill me before. Sometimes I leave him to be with the married man. It's more like a back and forth thing.

Pastor, please help me. I don't know what to do. I know it's a sin to be with this man but, I love him and I don't know what I am going to do without him. My life will end. I am even crying while I'm typing this. Help me, please. Everyone makes mistakes in life, but I just have to learn from my mistakes.

T., India

Dear T.,

The married man has captured your heart, indeed your very life, and you are unable to reason or use good judgement. I am very sorry to see how this man is wrecking your life. What makes you believe that this man is going to leave his wife and come to you? He has five children with five different women. And he did not divorce his wife and marry any of those women. Tell me what you have that the other women don't have? I don't know your age, but I do know that you are naive.

This man takes you around, so you think that he is very special. I believe he is lying. He has no intention of leaving his wife. You made a mistake when you got involved with him. End the relationship with him.

Pastor