The Jamaica Star :: Tell Me Pastor :: Heaven match to mismatch

Dear Pastor,

I am a 27-year-old woman who is interested in your advice on this matter. I've been married since age 19. My husband and I were considered a 'poster couple' because everyone thought that this was a match made in heaven. I thought so, too. Well, I was wrong.

Till death do us part

I'm a Christian and I firmly believe in the vow, 'till death do us part', because a commitment to God is a very serious matter, especially that of marriage.

Well, we had financial difficulties and so, after five relatively good years of marriage, my hubby decided he would migrate to better the family. After he left, things were a little better financially after he started sending money to take care of the bills we owed here. I was in school so I was totally dependent on him. He did something which was very wrong, which I cannot disclose, and I found out after he left Jamaica. When I asked him about it, he admitted to it, but I looked at the fact that he probably did it out of desperation, so I forgave him.

Downhill turn

I only asked that he do some damage control but he didn't, and I was so disappointed because what he did could have cost me my life and career. After that fell through, things started on a downhill turn. He started to drift from me, so much so that I started to feel like I was drowning from lack of love and emotional support. I finally asked him to be honest with me and he said he no longer wanted a family. He did not love me anymore and did not want me or anyone else. Well, I was so devastated that I almost went over the top. Had it not been for the strong support of friends and God who kept me, I would have lost it.

I did everything possible to get him back, but he refused me and that only made me hurt so much more. Anyway, a year later, I found a friend who I realised had interest in me. We became good friends and are now dating. He is the one who helped me and is still helping me to get through this horrible experience. The problem is, I still find myself depressed over what happened with my husband and even now, I feel like I want to tell him how I feel, but I haven't because I know it hurts more when I'm rejected. I found out he has a girlfriend and is living a pretty normal life.

Present boyfriend loves me

I don't know what to think, but I've been praying that God will work according to His perfect will. I know my present boyfriend loves me and wants to marry me. It's now a year since we're dating.

He loves my daughter as his own. I do love him, too, but I really don't want to be unfair to him because I want to give him all my love as he deserves. I just don't know how to really let go of the man who I made a vow to and if that's what God really wants. My husband has started divorce proceedings so I know he doesn't want me back. He has never fought for this marriage, even for a day. I feel so badly because I thought I was worth even a fight. Sometimes, I'm so confused, but I'm honest with my boyfriend about how I feel. I really love and respect him and I think God sent him just in time. I don't want to hurt him in any way and I want to be happy again.

How do you suggest I free my heart? I really am happiest when I'm committed to someone I love and my child deserves so much better than what her father is giving her. Sometimes, he doesn't even call her. I have to keep praying that God will heal her little broken heart. Please give me your advice. I want to serve the Lord and be happy again.

C.Q., St Andrew, Jamaica

Dear C.Q.,

Your problem is not just the man you married, it is you. You believed you were too righteous and upright for a man to leave, so it is difficult to accept that he has told you it is over.

Well, my dear, until you are ready to accept reality, you will not be happy. So, hear me, when you receive from the court the decree absolute, kiss it and move on with your life.

Pastor