Dear Pastor,

I am a 48 years old and my wife is 42. We have been married 11 years now, but we have known each other for over 22 years. We have no children. We were going to the fertility doctor, but I no longer put any effort in this because of the problem I am having with my wife. My problems are great but I do love my wife dearly. If not, I would have left a long time ago. I have been trying to deal with the problems for eight years.

From the very beginning, she has had an attitude problem, and I thought nothing of this because she still had some good ways and, at that time, I could deal with it. Over the years, things have gone very bad. The attitude has been blown out of proportion. She is always angry. She does not laugh or smile. She has no sense of humour. She has no interest in sex. Maybe once every six to eight weeks, I might get lucky. If she is in the bed and I try to touch her, she gets very angry and pushes me away aggressively. I cannot hug, kiss her or even get near to her.

On a few occasions, when I tried to hug her in a loving gentle manner, she assaulted me by jumping up very fast and fighting with me. I have never fought back.

Anything I say, even the slightest comment, upsets her and she flares up and argues constantly. She is very difficult to talk to. Sometimes, there is absolute silence between us and when I look into her eyes, I can see 'fire' as if she is ready to hurt someone. When she is out and is returns home, I become scared. Also, If I am returning home from work, I am aprehensive about opening the door to go inside the house because I do not know who she is going to be. I feel very unsafe around her.

Once in a while, she becomes the sweetest person, but it only lasts between half an hour and a day. My wife works in health care and her co-workers complain about her. She has no friends. Everyone keeps away from her. This is the best way I could explain things to you. I am not trying to make her look bad. This is the only truthful way I can explain things. She still has some things that I really adore about her.

My wife has five sisters still residing in Jamaica. Three of them have similar symptoms and patterns and their children behave the same way. I have been observing this over the past several years. And I visit Jamaica twice per year. I spoke to my wife's doctor about the problems that I am having and what I observed. He believes that she might be suffering from some mental health problems and that she needs professional help. We went to a family counsellor, but it did not help the situation.

My wife's doctor recommends psychiatric evaluation but she refuses and says nothing is wrong with her. If my wife had decided to see the psychiatrist, and should anything be found, I was willing to give her my full support, and that we would embrace each other and take it one step at a time and go through this together. Now I am thinking of taking out a 'mental health warrant' at the court to force her to do an evaluation in order to save the marriage and herself.

M.W., New York, USA

Dear M. W.,

The Bible speaks about the trial of one's faith. Could this woman be your trials? Is she in your life to test you and to teach you patience?

May God grant you lots of grace and faith because only a person, who is strong in grace, can tolerate such behaviour from a spouse. My prayers are with you, my dear, sir.

Pastor