Dear Pastor,

I am a big fan of your column and your advice on matters. Let me go straight to it. I went to a church camp one summer and the first day there I met a girl. I soon came to the conclusion that she was the most annoying and obnoxious girl I ever met. At the end of the camp, I asked her out. After that things just took off. I became seriously infatuated with this girl. I was at a point where I've never felt that way about any girl before. We shared things with each other which in my opinion would unravel any other relationship. So you can say I was truly in love with her, likewise she with me.

Trouble came when we both started doing exams. I passed all eight and she didn't do so well and that created some problems. I would've given her everything and quite frankly I did offer her the best that I had to offer to anyone. So she started working and I went on to sixth form. I would call her at work and stuff, and in my opinion things were going well, until one day she stopped working there and she, in my opinion, changed her number. I was devastated. It has been over two years and I can't stop thinking about her. I think about her everyday. She's gorgeous, slim, sexy, plus she made all my friends jealous of me which I rather liked. In my opinion we were the "it" couple. If there was any girl I could imagine marrying, it would be her. Maybe I missed something, why would she leave me like that.

I am not the most macho type of guy, so in a society like this, a lot of people would question my sexuality. Based on my choice of style, the way I talk (soft spoken), and a host of other things, but the truth is I am really not like that, but I just can't seem to shake off the onlookers. And the fact that I am without a girlfriend adds to their chattering. I just really find it hard to approach girls, after all I've never had to because I had my girl. I am really bent out of shape about this and have basically nowhere else to turn. I am in university and now there is even more added pressure for me to approach or talk to a girl who hasn't spoken or approached me.

Pastor, please, help me.

J.J., St Andrew, Jamaica

Dear J.J.,

Don't wait on a girl to approach you. To do so is to show too much pride. You are also giving the impression that you have something that no other man has so every girl should come to you. Life doesn't go like that, young man. You have to learn to socialise and there are hundreds of women on campus.

Now if you behave as a girl, they may not want to associate with you because the girls are looking for real men and if you act girlish they may feel that you are on the "other side". Make yourself friendly.

Concerning the young woman you met at camp, she must have her reasons for ending the relationship with you. Whether you know it or not, you come across in your letter as bumptious and self-centred. I am not condemning you, but you give the impression that you believe that you are better than others. Perhaps the young lady sensed that and couldn't cope with that type of attitude, so she went her way.

Pastor