Dear Pastor,

I have been married for 20 years and we're in our 40s. We have three children. My problem is this; my wife is very bossy in the home and in the bedroom. As soon as she walks in the door, she complains non-stop. Even if I do what she says or do something nice, she finds something else to complain about. All this complaining is driving me crazy.

She does the same thing in the bedroom. Before sex, she is complaining about something I did. During sex, she won't even try to participate like touching, hugging or kissing. As soon as she feels I ejaculate, she gets up and leaves. I don't even have a chance to enjoy cuddling. We don't cheat and we don't drink.

We have great jobs and I am a good provider. I have spoken to her many times, but it just keeps getting worse. Now she is telling me not to touch her body because it will dirty her up and she will have to take another shower. It just goes on and on.

Pastor, please, help me.

H. H., Jamaica

Dear H. H.,

Your wife is insane. She has to be. I congratulate you for staying with her for 20 years. You need a reward. She is even having sex as duty. There is no pleasure in the whole thing.

This is an unhappy woman. And there must be reasons why she is so unhappy. Brother, I urge you to talk to this woman and let her know that you are suffering and you believe that it is time both of you go to see a family counsellor. You do not know what are the issues and she hasn't told you.

Do you realise that this woman doesn't want to have sex anymore? She says that you are going to dirty her up. You might have to take a rag and a basin of water to sponge her down after the sex act. What a task you have on your hand?

Pastor