I get really jealous if I see him talking or being friendly with other women. I accuse him of having relationships with almost every female friend that he has. I search his phone every chance I get and if I see a girl's name in his phone I will call her and question her about the relationship they have. If I am not comfortable with their friendship, I will tell her off. He has begged me on more than one occasion to stop because all I am doing is embarrassing him and giving his friends the impression that he is a little boy.

I really want to trust him, but I guess what makes it so hard for me is that I am also cheating on him with other men. I will admit that I have cheated on him before and up to a month ago I was still sleeping with someone else. He recently found out about one of my flings and was threatening to kill me if I did not end it. I also told him about a couple of my past relationships. It pains my heart to see that I am hurting the man I love. I want to tell him everything I am doing, but I am afraid he is going to want to hurt me. I hope when I do tell him, we could seek counselling and start over on a new page.

Tell me, pastor, what I should do because my conscience is eating me up.

P. J., Arizona, USA

Dear P. J.,

When I read the first paragraph of your letter I thought you were such a good woman. But after reading what you have done, you make your boyfriend look good. He has already warned you that he will destroy you. I suggest therefore that you stop the nonsense and that both of you call a psychologist and have sessions with him/her. That is all I am prepared to say.