The Jamaica Star :: Tell Me Pastor :: Business marriage

Dear Pastor,

I met a Jamaican man through my friend in December 2005. He came to the United States as a visitor and decided to stay as things were bad in the garrison, or so he said. We dated and he slowly started spending night after night at my place, untill he moved in his things. After about six months, he asked me to marry him and help him. I told him I was uncomfortable with that as I would always question if he loved me or was using me for papers.

I told him he would have to pay me. The money would obviously be spent on 'us', had things worked out, and I proved he was dedicated and honest. Our mutual friend, the one who introduced us, told me he would pay me as well and that I didn't have anything to worry about. He wanted his friend to be 'straight'. I said I have no problem dealing with this business and will continue with the relationship, but insisted that the two of them know that I have to get my money.

First payment

We got married and I received US$1,500 when we got married in June of 2006 and he continued living with me. He didn't have a steady job, so there was never enough money to pay at least half the rent or to cover the bills. He gave me US$50 or US$100 now and then, but what is that when you have rent, groceries, car payment, insurance, and so on. He spent more money on phone cards to Jamaica and braiding his hair. Half the time, I gave him money to do his hair. I bought him clothes, gave him money when I could and pampered him.

A year passed and he still has not made good on his promise to pay me what he owes, nor did I feel the love and attention I was showing him was being reciprocated. He never took me anywhere and everywhere we went, I paid. I was either with my family or friends, and I was feeling used. I even rented out my second bedroom to a foreign exchange student for a couple months to make ends meet. He saw me working myself to death and I got tired of doing everything by myself and told him he had to leave. It took two months to eventually get him out of my condo. He said he had no one, when indeed he had his cousin and who knows who else. He was very secretive and manipulative.

Dilemma

Now I am faced with the dilemma. Do I cancel his papers as he did not make good on his promise to pay me my money for one-and-a-half years? He has also made me feel unsafe in my own home as I am scared because of the way he left. He was very loud and threatening and I had to tell him I would call the police.

Pastor, tell me, please, do you think this man had any good intentions towards me based on what I have described to you? I told him he was ungrateful and he was a parasite as this was how I was feeling. I just want a second opinion to justify my actions.

A., New York, USA

Dear A.,

You were wrong in agreeing to do a business wedding. You knew better. However, these guys outsmarted you. They gave you a meagre $1,500 to legally tie up yourself and have not given you any more. To obtain a divorce, it will cost you, but this man got your honey, food, shelter and comfort. Finally, you had to put him out in the cold. You were always suspicious that this man did not love you, so this marriage is purely business.

Now, what should you do? That is totally up to you. You have lied by marrying him and by sponsoring him and you will have to lie again by saying that both of you are living together. Make your own decisions concerning immigration. The man is guilty of wrong, but so are you.

Pastor