The Jamaica Star :: Tell Me Pastor :: The old fire

Dear Pastor,

Congrats for all the good advice you continue to give your writers. I am a 27-year-old professional, who is having a hard time finding a new relationship and letting go of a past one. Recently, I was in a relationship with a 33-year-old man, but things didn't work out although we share a son, who is almost a year old. This is my story.

Struggle

When I was pregnant, he was not supportive at all. I lost my job and had to struggle during the entire nine months on my own, with some assistance from my family and friends. During my pregnancy, he even came to the decision that he would not own the child until a paternity test was done. I vowed back then not to have anything to do with this man. I did a paternity test and, of course, the child is his. He begged for forgiveness and said he wanted to make things right, and like a fool, I forgave him.

We ended up living together, things went alright for a year, then I found out he was cheating. I confronted him and, of course, he denied the whole thing. I was mighty upset as this was the man I was planning to buy a house with and spend the rest of my life.

Can't let go

We are now apart and he supports his child, but not to the extent that I know he can. The problem is I still love him even though he does more harm than good, but every time we see each other we end up sleeping together. I know he has his women and I can do much better than him, but I just don't know how to let go.

Pastor, I need your advice on how to get this man out of my system, please.

SR, St Andrew, Jamaica

Dear SR,

You can only get this man out of your system if you are determined to do so. You know your child's father is a waste of time.

You are not living with him anymore, but you feel that whenever it is convenient you can have sex with him. You do it because you want to do it. You have not yet buried him.

People do what they want to do and then they say they can't stop doing what they do. You love this man and he knows you love him, so, he is taking advantage of that. You are in control of yourself, so stand on your own and do what you know is right for yourself.

Pastor