Dear Pastor

I have been struggling with this problem for more than 15 years, but lately it seems to be getting worse. I was sexually molested at an early age and throughout my teens by various individuals such as my neighbour and a close family member. I was even raped. I tried once to tell someone about the molestation when I was younger but the person did not believe me so I was left to suppress my feelings and emotions. I am now in a committed relationship. However, I find that I don't enjoy sex very much as when I am having sexual intercourse, I feel like I am being raped all over again. My partner understands my situation, however, at times I become so overwhelmed with anger and pain and I tend to direct it at him. I constantly have nightmares and can't sleep well at nights. This is further compounded by the fact that I had a miscarriage for which I am still grieving.

I find that I am depressed at times and tend to cry a lot when I am alone. Sometimes I feel like ending my life, but I know that I would cause great pain to others. I am now contemplating ending my relationship as I realise the damage that I am inflicting on this individual with all the anger, hurt and hatred that I have inside.

Pastor, I need your advice.

P.S., New York, USA

Dear P.S.,

You have never gone through therapy and you need to have therapy. You have been sexually abused even by a family member. You said that you were also raped and yet you have never gone to see a therapist. I can see why you find it difficult to relate to your present boyfriend. I am going to beg you to please call a psychologist and make an appointment to see him/her as early as possible. If you truly love your boyfriend, beg him to accompany you to see the therapist also. It would help him to understand how to relate to you.

Pastor