Dear Pastor,

My husband and I have been together for nine years and married for six. We have two beautiful children who are eight and three years old. He got a job in another state outside where we reside. And knowing that it would be hard for him to commute, I had to be the considerate and trustworthy wife that I am. I recommended that he get somewhere in that state to stay, when he is unable to come home after a long day. Well, to my astonishment, it has been three years and he still has not taken me or the kids to know where he resides, and in any one month, the most he has ever been home is 12 days.

At one point I kept asking him why it is that his wife does not know where he lives and he made it sounds as though it is no big deal if I don't know where he lives because others are doing it. I even remember on one occasion he was home for a holiday and he said he had to go there for something, so I told the kids to get ready, we are going somewhere with daddy, and immediately it was no longer important; it could wait. Now, after these three years of not knowing where he lives, I went in his phone and in his inbox messages to find that he has been corresponding with a woman. I have never done that before, but my gut told me to. When I confronted him about it, he told me it was just a girl who has a thing for him and that he did not like her that way. He just reasons with her.

I called her, but she seemed to be in shock. She had nothing to say and has since been unreachable. Right now I am torn to know I gave this man more trust than a man would usually get and, in return, I got no respect. I don't even know if I can trust him anymore as I am wondering if he is with this woman when he's not at home.

Please, tell me what you think about this situation. Thank you.

T.C, New York, USA

Dear TC,

Your husband should come clean. He should admit to you that he got involved with a woman in the area he is working and living in. You already know. He might as well confirm it and ask for your forgiveness. I get the impression that you are concerned, but you will be willing to forgive him.

It is unfortunate that you were so trusting for such a long time and that you accepted his lies. When he did not give you the address of the place where he was living, you should have got very suspicious. Now that you know for sure what is going on, discuss the matter with him again and tell him that both of you need to go for counselling. And encourage him to come home every two weeks.

Pastor