Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old female who is really confused. I was in a relationship for almost five years, but we broke it off when he cheated on me. What hurt me most was that the girl he cheated with is no better than I am. Immediately after we broke up and before we officially broke it off she moved in with him and they have been living together ever since, but it has been hell for her. He lives in the same yard and immediately next to me. Sometimes I hear him beating her and she is crying for murder. Yet she always stays. Over the period of time we have been apart he blames me for everything. If he is hungry, it's my fault. If he's angry, it's my fault. He even told me I'm the reason he beats her because he still thinks about me all the time and it drives him crazy.

Now it's starting to show. He acts crazy. He was a good guy when we were together, a perfect gentleman for the entire five years, but she kept throwing herself at him and I don't blame him that much about falling for her, but she is no better than I am. Now he is coming back to me and saying I'm driving him crazy because he feels sick just thinking what he did to me. I didn't care, pastor, because we are each other's first love and it's hard to see him with another girl.

He has changed dramatically. I don't know him anymore. He has become so hard. But when he is around me, he is as calm as a lamb. I still love him and I know he loves me. He wants another chance and I was seriously thinking about it.

I went to Clarendon for a few days and when I came back home he was acting all edgy around me and stuttering a lot. He kept doing things for me without me asking and totally acting confused until I heard from his cousin that the girl was pregnant. I was so hurt. He still hasn't told me about it so I figured he wants to but doesn't know how. The thing is I don't know how to react when he tells me. We love each other and she has become a plague in his life. Yet I know he will not abandon his child. I am confused. I want to move on, but I see him everyday.

Help me, please. Thank you

N.W., St. Mary, Jamaica

Dear N.W.,

You are blaming this girl for everything. If this man didn't want to be with the other young lady, he could have ignored her totally and stayed with you. He has his fling with her and it is likely that he has got her pregnant. It is not a good thing that a girl should attack another girl in the manner that you are attacking this girl. And you seem pleased that he is physically abusing this girl. She should report him to the police and have him arrested. This guy is quite willing to tell you a bunch of lies about the girl and you will believe him because you want both of you to get back together. I wish you well.

Pastor