Since I got married I don't know what it means to be happy. I cry or we curse every other day. He searches my vagina to see if he finds sperms or if it is bruised by another man. He has female friends that call him, but male friends are not allowed to call me or even look at me. He calls my work place everyday to see if I am there or when I leave work.

Pastor, I am deeply depressed and I often ask God 'why me?' I want this relationship to work, but I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Please give me your advice.

N.M., St. James, Jamaica

Dear N.M.,

Your parents had attempted to discourage you from marrying this man. It seems that they were correct. But I must ask you a question.

Why would you allow this man to search you? How would he find anything? Perhaps you were right to let him look.

It is either you are allowing him to do that and laughing at him or you wanted to prove to him that you did not have bruises because you have not been with another man. It is amazing what some of you women have had to suffer at the hands of some men.

When are you going to ask this man to go with you to see a family counsellor? Perhaps he may not want to go because he feels that he doesn't need counselling. There is no way you can continue to live with a man who will humiliate you all the time. He has made it clear that he doesn't trust you. How can a woman stay with a man who has declared that he doesn't trust women? Try the counselling route. I wish you well.