Dear Pastor,

For years I considered writing to you and now that I am 37 years old I feel it is time. I was born and raised in St Ann. My family appeared well on the outside to others. I was raised as a stepchild and, for years, carried the secret that my father raped my older sister and myself for years. I ran away from Jamaica to the United States (US) at 16 years old to escape the incest. Before leaving Jamaica, I tried to commit suicide but was unsuccessful. God blessed me to leave Jamaica and, although I missed my siblings, I made a life here in America.

My stepmother and others in my family have always stated that my sister and I have lied about my father raping us. It has caused such a division in my family and I have always wished that my family could understand the trauma and feelings of disgust I feel when I think about my past life of incest. My past has influenced my current occupation, which is to ensure that children that are abused in any way get the help they need. There was never any help for me.

My abuse started at about age four and continued until I was age 16 (1987). My greatest problem after all these years is that my stepmother and her family continue to tell everyone that my sister and I are liars. No child or person wants to admit to incest, but I was a victim of incest and there is no greater shame than having to admit that my own father used to have sex with me.

Pastor, I am trying to heal totally, but it is difficult when I realise that people in my family are still lying about this. Pastor, help me please. I am a woman now, but there is a little girl in me who still wants my family to admit that they are lying for 'face' and allow me to heal.

Tormented, New York, USA

Dear Tormented,

You did not receive therapy when you were sexually abused by your father. No family member believed you, so they did not seek help for your sister and you. Your father is grossly immoral. He knew that you and your sister were speaking the truth. He is a sick man. It is only a sick, sick man who would have sex with a four-year-old child.

I thank God that you were able to escape by leaving the house and going abroad, but what about your sister? Was she also able to leave? Although it has been many years, you are still tormented by what happened. Therefore, you need to make an appointment with a psychologist and discuss your background and all the things that happened to you while you were growing up.

I know the temptation is to hate your stepmother and others who did not believe you, but hating them will not help you. What is needed now is healing and that healing will begin when you learn to forgive them for ill-treating you. Please call a psychologist and make an appointment to see him/her.

Pastor