The Jamaica Star :: Tell Me Pastor :: COKE-BACK MOUNTAIN

Dear Pastor,

I have lived in Nebraska my whole life. Nebraska is full of cowboys and it is really stereotyped. Being a gay male in a small town in Nebraska is hell. I was made fun of so much. I met a girl on a chatline. She lived in Wisconsin. We talked for about a month when she asked me to move in with her. She had her own place. She was 26 and also gay. She knew how old I was and she sent me a greyhound bus ticket. I told my mom that the greyhound ticket was to go see a friend for the weekend who had moved three hours away.

I never went to school

I got on the bus and went to Wisconsin. It was fun. I never went to school. I was so depressed and sick of life. I got into drugs. I was extremely into drugs. Anything, everything, I didn't care what it was, but if it gave me a high, I would do it. Then I moved out of the girl's house and was homeless for three to four months. I would go to areas where they were building houses, and I would sneak in there and sleep. I had been in Wisconsin for about eight months and didn't call my mom at all.

One night I was at a party where I was so stoned and drunk and I decided to do cocaine. It wasn't my first time at all. I did it plenty times before. The cocaine was on a DVD case, from one corner to the other. I snorted about six lines of cocaine in less than three minutes. I started to shake and spasm, and then I blacked out. In the morning, a guy was helping me out, and I was still kind of out of it. He started to hit one me. He told me that we should have sex, I agreed because I didn't want it, but I wanted it. Well, I didn't know him, but my friends did, they told me to do it. I slept with him and didn't know anything about him.

Terrible sore throat

At that time I was weighing around 170 pounds. The next week I had a terrible sore throat, stomach aches, fever, and experienced tremendous weight loss. In two months I had gone from 170 down to 125 pounds. I thought it was the drugs and didn't think anything of it. Then when I was in Wisconsin for about a year and two months, I dropped down to 105 pounds. I was skin and bones. My face was sunken in and I was wearing the same clothes for weeks.

I then called my mom for the first time in a little over a year. She wasn't mad. She wanted me and I wanted to be with her too. She sent me money to come home. I came home and she was terrified about how I looked. Then she made me enroll into Job Corps. I did, and one of the things they do when you first come in is give you an HIV test. They did my test, and about one week later they called me up to the nurse. She told me to sit down, she told me that I tested positive for the AIDS virus. I was scared and I didn't know what to do.

Bad news: full-blown AIDS

Then I had my first doctor's appointment. They took my blood and told me to come back in two weeks to find out my t-cell count and give me a full body check-up. When I went back they said they had bad news. They told me that I had full -blown AIDS. They said my t-cells were at 54. They did a full body check and found a fibrosis sarcoma mark under my testicles. They said I needed to be put on medication right away. They ran some more tests and I had to wait a month this time to find out what ones to take. When I went back to the hospital, they told me that this is a very rare case, and the strand of the virus I have is drug-resistant to all medication they have available.

That was just six months ago. I'm 18 right now. My t-cells did rise to 63, but the skin cancer has spread. I don't know exactly when I'll be gone, but doctors said that it will be very soon. People need to know that this isn't a laughing matter. AIDS is serious, very serious.

É., Nebraska, USA

Dear É,

I want to thank you for sharing your very sad story with my readers. Those who are on drugs need to be reminded that they are killing themselves and gay people should also accept what you have said as a warning to them also.

In fact, let no one misunderstand me. Promiscuity in any form is dangerous.

I hope that everyone who reads your letter will remember you in prayer and that you will follow the advice of your doctor. My prayers are for you and also for your wonderful mother.

Pastor