DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON.

TELEPHONE: 929-1667/8. EMAIL: pastor@jamaicastar.com

Dear Pastor,

Thank you graciously for honesty, concern and sincerity about all the issues you address. I have been a widow for about three years. My husband was the breadwinner and provided all of our family needs. When he passed away, nothing was left for me and our three children. Since then, I have been trying very hard to keep my children happy and to meet their needs.

Recently, I started dating a man who has been interested in me for about nine months. I finally decided to go out with him and, as usual, everything was perfect from the start. The problem that I am having is that he wants to love me and eventually get married, but he hasn't made any attempt to establish a relationship with my children. He loves the cow, but not the calves.

I take a little responsibility because I chose not to let my kids meet anyone since they are still mourning their father's death. I don't know how to explain to him that I need some financial assistance for myself and the kids. He's cheap, but wants to get the honey every night. I really care about him, but many times he doubts my honesty when I'm not always available to please him, which makes me believe that he is sneaky and not to be trusted. I don't really want to end this relationship, but I'm used to much more than he can give or wants to give.

How do I stop giving up the loving without seeming like a golddigger? Do I continue this affair or just insist that he spends time with the children.

C.T., California, USA

Dear C.T.,

Evidently this man is not the type of man you would love to have. He is second-best. You would probably do better if you were to wait. A good man would understand that you have financial needs. After all, you have lost your husband and you have kids. On the other hand, if he is not a family man or a responsible father, he might not understand. But surely a man should know that if he is 'dealing' with a woman who has children, she would need help. She shouldn't have to be asking him. I am afraid that you are with the wrong man. You are going to find that you are going to be giving much more than what he will be giving you.

Pastor