Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old Jamaican living in America and I have been with a guy since I was 15 years old. We always kept in contact while I was away and whenever I visited Jamaica, we would meet and do things together. Obviously, as I am away for long periods of time, I know that at some point he would be involved with other people. Besides, while I was away I was also involved with other people. I am a strong believer in fate and I believe that my boyfriend in Jamaica is who God wants me to be with, hence the reason for the strong connection between us.

The problem is he got a girl pregnant in Jamaica. He mentioned that the girl's appearance is everything like me except that she was loud and argumentative. He said they are not together, but he still corresponds with her and supports the child. I didn't think he was being honest on this topic, but I didn't prolong the issue. I think we still have a connection and I think he wants me as much as I want him. Throughout my holiday, he spent all his time with me. He paid for my hotel and gave me spending money. I overheard a conversation with his baby mother and it indicated that they were having problems or they are not together. I am looking at this situation two ways:

1. I am about to break up a family or

2. He was mine first and I am trying to reclaim what was mine.

I hate the way the child came about, but I love him just as much as if he was mine. I am happy for him that he has a child as I see that he loves the child so much. Ever since I can remember, we have been trying to have a child, but nothing has happened. I think something is wrong with me.

His family and I have been encouraging him to travel to America because he has relatives here, but he does not have traveling in mind. However, on my last vacation, he was keen on spending the rest of his days with me and he even started preparing the documents for the visa. I know it will be sad for the mother of his child, but at the same time I deserve to be happy. I have known him for eight years and I love him too. At the moment, my life is complete. I have a degree and a good job. All that is missing is the ring around my finger.

Pastor, do you think that I am doing the wrong thing by reuniting with this high-school boyfriend?

H. M., USA

Dear H. M.,

What you are trying to say to me is that you love this man and you believe you deserve him. You claimed that while you were here, he paid for your hotel and gave you spending money, but how do you know that he wasn't treating you as a queen because you would soon leave and he will be back with his child's mother?

Let me put it to you straight, you don't deserve this man more than the other woman and this man really doesn't want to live in America. He is quite happy in Jamaica. He will visit America, but he is prepared to make life in Jamaica. He is not a beggar and frankly I think that you should leave the man to make life with the mother of his child.

Pastor