Dear Pastor,

I have lived and worked in the Cayman Islands for the past four years. During these years, I got married to an American. My husband lives and works in the States. My problem is that I only see my husband during Christmas. I have tried so many times to convince him, even force him to come and spend other times with me, but he never did. In February of last year, I met someone and we started talking. I could tell him everything. He was always there for me. We got together in March 2007, but this person has his babymother back home in Jamaica.

Pastor, the way his babymother deals with him is terrible. It hurts me to know that a man who takes care of her and the children so well and yet she handles him like a dog. This man is everything I was looking for in a man. I wish that he and his babymother would leave so that I could have him for myself.

Please help me because I don't know what to do.

M.K, Cayman Islands

Dear M.K.,

First of all I think your husband is crazy. Why does he stay away from you for such a long time? One visit in 12 months is insufficient. But let me hasten to say that that should not give you licence to be with another man, but the temptation to do so is greater than if you were seeing him regularly.

The young man with whom you got involved has his babymother in Jamaica. So both of you are away from your spouses and the desire for companionship grew so you got sexually involved. He may or may not be talking the truth about his girlfriend. You believe that she is not treating him right and you want to take him away from her. You haven't said whether this guy wants to leave his child's mother, but it seems as if you are ready to give up on your husband.

Have you asked your husband whether he is willing to file for you so that both of you can live together? He is not interested in living in Cayman, but what about you joining him? You see, something has to happen soon. Are you prepared to tell him that if he will not make up his mind, you are going to leave him? I think you should. Perhaps he will understand what you are trying to say. I am not suggesting that you tell him that you have another man. He will use it against you. I am suggesting that you tell him that you are tired of not having him around and ask him whether he wants you to move on.

Pastor