The Jamaica Star :: Tell Me Pastor :: A friend of Dorothy

Dear Pastor,

I have read your articles many times and I am aware of the great advice you have given and I pray you will be able to do the same for me. I am a 23-year-old Jamaican residing in New York and have been dating an American man for the past two years. We both have spoken of marriage within the next two years and children in five.

I need your assistance, however, with an issue that I am dealing with.

He is a 28-year-old divorced man (he was the one that sought the divorce) who I think is doing minimal in creating a good impression and getting to know my family. Both of my married parents have visited us from Jamaica during the weekend and he has only spent one night- really 3-5 hours - with them before leaving to spend some time with his family that lives two hours away. He sees at least one of them every two months and I think it's disrespectful that he is not spending enough time getting to know my parents.

Sacrifices

In previous events, he has always put his family first and I've had to make sacrifices so he could be with his, yet he has failed to do so with mine.

Also, he mentioned to me that he would like his friend to live next door when we finally find a house to settle in. He even mentioned hanging out with his friends on our honeymoon when we plan to get married in Jamaica. I hate the idea and I'm starting to doubt whether he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with as he seems selfish at times.

I must admit that we have good communication and he's been attending church with me lately and trying to make some amends to his life, but I don't know if I should continue in this relationship or find the man God has appointed for me?

Needing Assistance, New York, USA

Dear Needing,

First of all, I would like to ask why this man found it difficult to be hospitable to your parents while they were visiting. To me, he insulted them by not spending enough time with them and getting to know them.

Insensitive

He has also sent the message that he is not a very good family man and that he is not sensitive.

Now I am not saying that with professional help he cannot change, but at the age of 28, he should know better. Both of you communicate very well so, you should try to help him. I suggest that you consider going to see a family counsellor for premarital counselling.

Pastor