A wha di real story?

Mi say people, mi come fi understand one likkle prekke bout one fashion woman and dem ah try keep it unda wraps! Mi say, di nurse wha dung a di doctor office say she nearly drop dung when she see di woman come een look like heng-pon nail stragglas! Can you imagine, how dem feel fi see dis woman, live and in living colour and look pop dung like rusty nail?! Have mercy! Some a dem a say a some sniffings she when deh do, mek she look so; some people a say a mad she did mad out and all dese tings; trust me I don't know wha fi believe, but all mi ah say is di whole living situation suspec' and wha nuh go so, almost go so!

Mavado and di beating

Mi not even a go deal wid dis whole beating situation inna di usual way and tell Mavado say him need fi tek a page outta Killa book and easy before every journalist and newspaper ban him! No sah! Mi naw go say dat! All mi a say is big up all di real big dads dem who inna dis ting fi years and know how di runnings go! Big up mi cousin and di whole a di Spanish Town massive! Mi say when mi see uno come inna di paper di odda day a talk bout peace and uno ting sound sort out like official press release, mi say 'raaaaae'! Big up di Fletcher's Land massive! Big up di TG massive! Big up mi MoBay, Queens and Brooklyn giant dem! Big up di real big man dem who know say REAL toppa top man nuh haffi go round a prove, prove pon innocent people fi mek a name!

Toni-Ann what's di matter yuh man have horn?

Toni-Ann you really pregnant again? Deh one yah muss look like one next beauty queen cause yuh daughter dem nuh stop pretty like European money! But by di way, how yuh when deh gwaan like yuh neva waah feed Matterhorn di birthday cake a Bembe last week? Uno did vex? As soon as yuh shove di icing inna di man mouth yuh run gone again; den fi di whole party him a call yuh, and mi say, not even Ray Charles did turn a blind eye like you! Ah wha?

Beenie and di Prayer Circle

Mi say Beenie, mi need fi come a yuh yard fi put yuh inna one prayer circle, read some Psalms and squeeze couple green lime inna di four corner a yuh house! Babes, whe yuh a go get so much millions from? D'Angel waah money fi Marco Dean, di government waah dem millions, now see it deh, Isaiah Laing niece deh sue yuh how much thousand pound inna back money fi child support! Have mercy! Hear mi now, and listen to Modda Cherry good: wha yuh need fi do is tie up a next Rasta locks pon yuh foot, den spin four time and slip on yuh condom, den tek out yuh chain fi hypnotise dem an say five time: "Dis are di voice of Bounty Killa, I are have five house on di hill wid trillions in di bank. The bank teller dem are call me 'lodge'. Call me night or day, cause I are di one." When yuh done, tek off like lightning! Trust mi babes, it will wuk.

Mi waah fi know:

• A which brand manager a deal wid di promotional model dem and tek dem fi cheap fluxy dawg?

• What a way di former telephone man wifey look like 95 pounds of di whitest white pon di colour wheel? A dat's why him naw lef di big breast international model?