Kingsley Stewart - file

Cherry Flawless in di buildiiiing! People, mi need fi apologise bout how mi did stop sudden, but mi did have one baby son and yuh done know mi haffi tek care a him plus one troublesome daughter wha mi have deh. Lawd have mercy! Mi nuh come een like some gyal who haffi borrow a next battafoot gyal pickney fi get money and all dese tings roun here!

Uno probably a wondah bout di name change too; well, Ragashanti say him a 'Miss Cherry wash belly' pickney and mi neva push out dat deh 6-foot chocolate paradise deh (all doah if I are were not married I would gladly tek it in). Apart from dat, mi still young and sexy wid two hot pickney. Alright suss time.

Nod if yuh agree wid me

It seem like seh deh competition deh a tun inna one speed dating show. First Chanti-I and di youth from Q. Now see it deh, di pickney who eva off-key and did need fi stick to singing inna har pantry, team up wid di scallion farmer fi one song, an now dem deh arm in arm everwhe!

Mi say mi nuh kno wha fi classify it as: a sin? A joke? A tragedy? Mi say if I was di gal modda and mi see she shove both him and him wheelbarrow teeth dem pon mi Clarendon doorstep, I woulddah vex so till! Yuh know how much money mi woulddah haffi spend fi anoint him wid di 'oil of tekk-out-creasy-creasy-and-mek-yuh-look-yuh-age'? Yuh know how often mi woulddah haffi dash some 'oil of no-more-chakka-chakka' inna him scare dem mouth? Hallelujah! Oh the horror, the horror, such wretched horror! Truss mi deh one deh shock mi. Uno please explain di attraction. A wha?

Alice in Wonderland and Kern

Kern Spencer - file

Now mi not even a go deal wid di very, obvious dilemma wha Kern go find himself inna. Cause from di drama start till now, a juss pure 'mi guthole!' mi and mi granny can say. Wha mi a go talk bout is di woman who come pon TV a spin like gig like she hear say is a fashion show. She come a talk bout, 'oh just look at all of you out heeeeere' and 'you're going to edit this right'? I laugh so till. Mi say di ongle smaddy mi eva see more outta space, is 'Likkle Red Riding Hood': 'oh grandma such big teeth you have'; 'oh grandma such large hands you have'. Really? Tek a hint Alice in wonderland.

New York Empire

But a really Portmore Empire to di wooorl'. People, uno know say dem have a New York Empire too? Mi say a pure tings a gwaan. Bwoy, mi nuh know none a di iron balloon dem in deh, and mi nuh know if is juss some bandwaggonist and bodyguard or wha. But dere are a New York Empire wha soon tek off. Addi, you did know dat too?

Who deh tief Sharlene suss?

Look yah Matterhorn battafoot matey gyal who deh pon myspace, stop tief Sharlene suss an nuh gi di woman credit a send it all ova myspace! Mi notice say is a weekly ting yuh do enuh and den add some a fi yuh ting dem to it. Go cool yaw man. But by di way, wha mek yuh haffi bleach out fi yuh face so fi look like yuh wuk ah flour factory? Mi backfoot! But yuh proud ah it cause yuh did a rinse di Kartel bleaching tune fi how long, 'gal bleach, bleach bleach'! Real poppyshow.

Alaine - file

Mi waah fi know:

•Macka wha deh gwaan wid yuh wedding? Is a nexx trick like fi Kartel own?

• How Pressure, Don and Alaine lef di Reggae Academy Award so early? A true dem get nominated 1 million time and not even get one certificate of appreciation?

• A who a Killa real wifey? Saki, Flawless, Priceless or di nedder one dem?

• A true say Gavesha tell Avah wha day yah say she nuh name no 'gully creature' she name 'gully goddess'? Is a joke or wha?

• A wha tek dem dancer yah a invent dance wha name di 'handicap'? Uno go cool uno eediot self yaw man.

• A how some gyal still a fight ova Kurrup? A coulddah wha so? Look pon Bobby, yuh nuh see say she a defend straight modelling and music video?

• Sydonnie, how you and Ele baby so cute? It shock mi!