Dear Pastor,

I have read your columns on many occasions and I would like your advice on a problem that I am having. I am 19 years old and my boyfriend is 20. He has been my best friend from first form in high school and now we are both attending university together. We are doing very well in school. He is a great person and I know he loves me very much. We have been talking intimately for three years now. He took my virginity since this year.

The problem is I don't enjoy kissing or having sex. I don't get any satisfaction from it. I don't know when I have an orgasm. Is there something wrong with me? Although we have had sex a couple of times now he is still nervous around me and he wasn't a virgin before I broke my virginity with him. Sex doesn't last long and he says he hasn't come to realise that it's happening for real and not him dreaming as he has been for years. He does everything, but nothing seems to stimulate me.

Thank you, Pastor.

M.J., St. Andrew, Jamaica

Dear M.J.,

This young man and you have been going together for a while, but both of you were not prepared to have sex. It happened, but you were not prepared. He is very nervous about it and there must be reasons why he is not relaxed. You don't know much about sex either. Although the young man has had previous sexual experience, he is evidently suffering from premature ejaculation, so sex to you is not enjoyable.

It would have been better if both of you had not engaged in the act. In fact, I would want to discourage both of you from continuing to have sex and if both of you are planning to get married, then you should attend premarital counselling and prepare yourself for marriage, sex, etc.

If, however, you are deter-mined to have sex, you may wish to purchase books on the subject.

Pastor