Dear Pastor,
I am having a problem that I think will mad me soon. I am an ambitious and understanding young lady who cares very much about others and their feelings even more than I do about my own. Men do find me attractive and often times put words to me. My problem is I don't know how to say no to a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I know how to control myself very well. The reason I do so is because I want to get over my ex-boyfriend.
I certainly agree that I am young and that I have much more to go through, but I am trying my very best to get over my ex-lover. It seems as if I am stuck in life without him. Our relationship was almost perfect until I messed it up! It's killing me to know what I did. To alleviate this problem I'll try to talk to all males that pass my way, but the more I do this is the more I think about him. My ex-love is my first love and because of that I am scared to move on.
Pastor, what do you suggest that I should do? Do you think I should get back with him because I'm trying not to have any other sex partner? Help me, pastor, please.
T.H., Portland, Jamaica
Dear T.H.,
Am I to understand that what you are trying to say is that you have been trying to have sexual relations with a number of guys in an attempt to get over your ex-boyfriend? If that is what you have been doing, it will not work. Having sex with other men will never take away the hurt or the regret that you have been experiencing from losing your boyfriend. In fact, what you are doing is heaping more emotional problems upon another.
You are thinking that you should try to renew the relationship you had with your ex- boyfriend. You may try, but he may reject you and you may suffer even greater pain than you are suffering now. He may come back into your life and everytime there is a disagreement between both of you, he may mention the past and tell you that he cannot trust you. So there is a risk both ways and you will have to decide whether you are prepared to take the risk.
Would you not consider giving intimate relationships a break and do something to occupy the time that you have been going out with these men. If you wish to go out, go in groups and don't sell yourself short.
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