The Jamaica Star :: Tell Me Pastor :: The other lover

Dear Pastor,

I must first congratulate you on the wonderful job that you are doing. Keep up the good work. I am a well educated young woman and I also have a good job that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. My problem is that I think I am in love with a guy and I am not sure if I should pursue it or not.

I am currently involved with a guy who is 10 years my senior. I am in my early 20s. We've been through a lot. He's a great guy, but sometimes he can be very controlling. He doesn't allow me to socialise much with my friends and if I want to go somewhere without him, I have to lie about where I am going. Whenever we argue he makes the argument all about him and he leaves it up to me to find a solution even if he's the one who was wrong.

A few months ago, I met another guy. We've been really good friends. I am able to talk to him about anything, including the problems I have with my boyfriend. I've tried breaking up with my boyfriend, but this other guy always encourages me to get back with him because he says I would be devastated without my boyfriend in my life.

The issue is that I think am losing interest in my current boyfriend and liking this other guy more. There are a lot of things that he knows about me that my boyfriend doesn't know and if he finds out, he would be so upset. In fact, he would break up with me.

All my friends tell me that I should leave my boyfriend because he's too controlling and it could become physical one day.

I don't know what to do. Please, help me, pastor.

Confused, New York, USA

Dear Confused,

I agree with your friends. You should end the relationship with your current boyfriend. However, you should make sure that you are not jumping from 'frying pan into the fire'. Sometimes, when a guy is interested in a young woman, he gives the impression that he would never treat her the same way her boyfriend is treating her. He promises to be a better man and often he turns out to be worse. It is never good for a young woman to tell a guy who shows interest in her all the bad things that her present boyfriend is doing.

So although I am telling you to leave your present boyfriend, I am giving you a word of caution, 'all that glitters is not gold'. Walk carefully, my dear, walk carefully.

Pastor