Dear Pastor,

I have been seeing a guy for four years. I am now 20 and he is 34 years old. He is married and has kids, but he still sees me. The same time that I got pregnant by him, his wife got pregnant too.

When I first saw her with her 'belly' it was big and I asked him why she looked like that and he said to me that she just ate too much and I said, "okay". He made me do an abortion. I will never forgive him for what he has done. She doesn't know what is happening because we see each other behind other peoples' backs. No one knows about us, not even her kids.

I talk to my mom about what is going on in my world. He lied to me and is sleeping with other girls. I don't know if he has HIV. Everytime I call him, he can't talk to me because he is with his wife. We went to a party together and her best friend was there. I had to act up.

Pastor, please, tell me what to do.

B., London, England

Dear B.,

I am so sorry for you. Although you are 20 years old, you are so naive. The relationship with this man started when you were 16 years old. And at that time, one may wish to excuse you for not knowing better, but what excuse can you have at age 20? Is it money you really want?

You say that he has other women, but evidently you don't care because you have been having unprotected sex with him. He doesn't care much about you. He got you pregnant and asked you to abort the pregnancy. He is only thinking of himself. So, hear me now, it is time for you to think. I know you have started to think because you told your mother what is going on, but go much further, bring this relationship to an end.

This man may tell you that he can't live without you, but he would be lying. He won't die. Tell him you want to move on because there is no future in the relationship, so he should stay with his wife and allow you to seek a new path. If you are relying on him totally for support, go get yourself a job. It is going to be tough for you for a while, but remember that he is married and he is not going to leave his wife to come to you.

Pastor