Dear Pastor,

I have a huge problem and I don't know how to deal with it. You see, I am a 25-year-old woman who is involved with a married man for the last year. He has been married for three years and has been seeing another girl on the side for the past two years.

My problem is this: I didn't know for months that he was married, nor did I know that he was involved with someone else. Had I known, I wouldn't have got involved with him. I kept on being with him and worst of all I cheated on him as well, and now I am HIV positive. I don't know who gave it to who and I can't really dwell on that. The problem is this, I don't know how to tell this man that I am HIV positive without him killing me.

He has made plans to migrate permanently to the States and ironically he passed the medical testing November 2006, but I did the test in January 2007 and found out that I am positive. We never used condoms. I wanted to, but you cannot tell this man that you want him to wear boots as he will start thinking that you're keeping another man with him.

I know that two wrongs don't make a right, but, Pastor, I need the strength to tell this man that he has it too and he may very well have affected his wife and other girlfriend because he does not use condoms with them either. I know I should hate myself right now, and him too, but I really feel pity for us both. Please, pray for us.

S., Jamaica

Dear S.,

I suggest that you ask your doctor to send a message to this man that he should come in and see him. And that you should also be present when he is going to see the doctor. I don't know where you did the HIV test, but you can ask them to help you to inform the man of your present condition.

I know you are afraid to inform him but the earlier he knows the better. I am really sorry to know that you are HIV positive and I can only encourage you to follow the advice of your doctor. Please, if you feel you must have sex, use a condom.

Pastor