Jackass sey di worl' no level. Jackass sey Hasafa mussi waan rewin' an go Japan a de Rorl Champianship an' run like 'ow 'im run a Rieti pon Sunday wen 'im run 9:74.

Jackass has to use the Merciless voice for this one, to get it across accurately. So I lean my jawbone, look like a straight-up country man trying to look like a bad man, and say:

"Yow! A waapen to Hasafa! Why im coulden run so a Hosaka? A wen im reach a Reiti im a run faasa? A lower worl' rekard inna heat, but im panic wen im an Tyson Gay meet? Yow! Yu fi run yu bes' wen yu waan big medal pan yu ches, so we can stan up wen antem a play, look pan we bway an se ye ye ye ye yaaay!"

Heh heh.

Seriously, though, congratulations to Asafa Powell on his latest, but certainly not last, world record run in the 100m. The man is a phenomenon of no mean order and, as the commentators have said over and over again, he eased at the line.

Well, in Jackass' book, 'ease up' is different from 'ease', but chances are only the people who were behind Asafa in that race will be able to tell if he eased, eased up, or both, or was simply gone with the wind.

But the world is not level at all, not when Asafa Powell runs the best official time the world has ever seen (trust Jackass, if someone measured the time that people run when they are splurting from gunshots they would make Asafa look like a bway) in a heat less than a month after he panicked and was beaten into third position at the World Championships.

(By the way, you all realise that that race did not have a silver medalist. Yeah yeah, somebody came between Gay and Powell but apart from the real track fans who remembers? Who the hell cares, either?)

NOT UNUSUAL

Still, Asafa's position is not unusual at all, so we should be able to understand. Jackass is sure that many of you two-footers have been in situations where you did your best after you fell short of the mark you wanted to set in a special situation.

That is why many two-footed males use stone and brush and boom and Long Love condoms and all those sorts of thing, because they want to rise to the big occasion, especially a new situation, and make a lasting (very lasting impression). It never fails, (Jackass hears), that when a man is with a girl he really, really likes and wants to stick around, as he sticks it in and she moves around, shoom! We have lift off! But let him be with a girl who is just a way to avoid masturbation and he is like a stallion. Cyaan done! Style! Fashion! Change a pace!

Ah, how he wishes he could transfer the performance but, like Asafa and the 2007 World Championships, the big moment is gone (and, chances are, so is the girl).

Then there is tracing, good, old-time telling off somebody and hurting them with words. During the heat of the moment words often fail or the verbal blows are not sharp enough.

Then, when the moment is past, lying down in bed the perfect response that would have flattened out the person comes. Way too late, because there is no rewinding the day and letting the person have it.

Want to use that tracing? Start another argument. But that one won't go the same way.

Hmm. Asafa better damn well hope that the Olympics won't be like a tracing match, where last week's argument is of no use.

Jackass sey di worl' no level. Jackass sey sey yow! Asafa Powell! Yu do so well! Nex' time no badda panic an trow eeen de towel! Yow!