Dear Pastor,

I need your advice on a problem I am having. I am a 21-year-old college student who is doing very well. I am seeing a 32-year-old business executive. The problem is that he claims he loves me, but he's also very conscious of the age difference between us. He treats me fine when we are at home, but that's mostly where we stay. He doesn't take me out with his friends or when he has parties or functions with his work 'buddies'.

We go out to the clubs some-times, but when we go out, we mainly go to the movies or to dinner. He's alright with going to those places. He says because the people who are there don't know him so he doesn't care what they think. He says that he sees a sort of stigma attached to any relationship where the man is five years older than the woman. It really puzzles me as to why he still wants to be in the relationship.

We've broken up numerous times mainly because of this problem, but he keeps asking me to take him back. I don't think he knows what he wants, but despite this, I really love him. Other persons, including both our families, seem to be fine with our being together. They even make jokes that we should get married. I am willing to be with him regardless of his age, but I really don't see the sense in our getting back together if we are going to end up right back where we started.

What do you think?

P. M., St. Andrew, Jamaica

Dear P. M.,

Let me put it to you straight: this man is not levelling with you. Perhaps he loves you, but because of his job and the people with whom he asso-ciates, he feels uncomfortable taking you with him to their functions. He does not believe that you are at their level and that you may embarrass him. Your level of education has something to do with it.

You see, some women are very beautiful but have no 'brains'. Others are not pretty, but very educated and can mingle in any crowd and can discuss any topic. So, some men only date certain women and take them to places where no one would question why they are going out with such persons.

You have come to realise that something is wrong with the relationship you are having with this man. When he wants to take you out, look at the places he takes you. You have a right to question his sincerity. Are you not good enough to meet his friends? What future is there for you in this relationship? The age difference is not very wide, so he is not to continue using that as an excuse.

Pastor