Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old female living in New York City. I met a guy last summer through a friend. He was from Jamaica on summer vacation. He told me how pretty I was and how attracted he was to me. He too is attractive but I paid him no attention. When he was leaving we exchanged numbers and we kept in touch. He would always say things like "Is a girl like you me want into my life."

After keeping in contact, feelings started to develop and we started an emotional relationship on the phone. Whenever he visits the States, he would want me to visit him but I always tell him no, he has to come and visit where I live. Finally, he came to my birthday party, after a month and a half being in the States. That night was fun and it ended with a kiss.

However, one night after a long conversation, he thought I hung up the phone and he was there talking to a girl on the other line. He told her how her private part was fat and he asked her if she enjoyed the sex. I was so mad. He did not mention that he has a girlfriend. He also invited her over the night and promised her better sex. The next morning I asked him who was the girl with the fat private part and he told me that she was some girl he met at a party. She did his hair and he slept with her but I was the one he wants to be with.

I went to visit him a week later and we had a wonderful time. This visit made us more intimate and we were no longer unspecified. I was his girlfriend and he was my man. We have been visiting each other frequently. But one day I called him and a girl answered the phone. I asked him who that was and he asked me why. She then said who is that and why is she asking who I am. I told him that can't bother with the mix up so maybe he should leave me alone.

He came to my house two weeks ago and his phone kept ringing. When he finally answered the phone I could tell by his tone that he was talking to a female. I told him that he should respect me and my house and not to talk to any females while he is in my house.

He wants me to help him with his status, but by the way he is behaving, I doubt I will do it. I am in love with this guy and he told me that he loves me but I am not sure if he really does. Every time I hear females calling him and he doesn't seem to care.

Please help me, pastor. I am so dumb to notice what is happening to me. I need your advice.

W. F., New York, USA

Dear W.F.,

You are indeed very naive. This man has many other girlfriends and you heard what he told one of them on the phone. You don't love yourself. You are prepared to be used by a lying man. He not only will use you for sex but he will marry you to gain his permanent status in the Unites States of America. A young girl should have much more pride in herself. You are behaving as if you do not have any. You are dumb when it comes to men. You should end the relationship with this man.

Pastor