Dear Pastor,

I am a beautiful woman and I am in my 40s. I was married once for a short time but it ended in a divorce. The problem is that I have been dating two men at the same time. I have known one of them for at least 16 years and I have been with the other man for two years. The man whom I have been dating for two years is in an unhappy marriage. We spend a lot of time together and we have a great relationship. He wants to leave his wife and family but I do not want him to.

The other man has never been married and he has asked me to marry him.

I love the both of them but I am unable to decide which one I want to be with. I am completely relaxed with the married man and the sex is better with him. However, as for the other man, we do not spend that much time together but the sex is also great. They both know about each other and both will do anything for me. They both love me dearly but I am afraid to make the wrong choice and end up having regrets. I really want to be with the married man but I also do not want him to leave his family. He has sons and I know that boys need their father to teach them how to become men.

Please help me decide.

M.D., England

Dear M.D.,

Put yourself in the place of the wife of the married man. Would you want another woman to be having an intimate relationship with your husband? I am sure you wouldn't. What you wouldn't like for yourself, don't do or encourage anyone to do. You are enjoying this man's company. You feel you need him but his wife needs him also and his children need him too. And remember, that when married men talk negative things about their wives, they are not always speaking the truth. Lots of married men fool women and tell them that they are not getting along with their wives and they are going to divorce them and marry the other women but they rarely do.

If you mean yourself well, you should drop this married man. I must, however, caution you, it is hardly likely that the single man would trust you. He knows that you have been having sex with the married man and, at the same time, having sex with him.

And although he asked you to marry him, he may not do so even if you accept his proposal.

There will always be a doubt in his mind whether you would be faithful to him.

No man wants another man to be going where he goes (you know what I mean), unless of course he looks at the woman as a prostitute. So don't be proud that you are having sex with two men and they know about each other.

Pastor