Dear Pastor,

I have migrated to the United States four months ago to live with my father and to finish high school in America. The problem is that I find it very difficult to live with my father. He gets upset over little things and it's very frustrating. One of the things is that I'm not calling him daddy as often has he wants me to. He thinks that I might go out and embarrass him. But the reason I do this is because I didn't know him for most my life. I'm now 15 and I first met him at age 11. After meeting him, he started to file for me.

One time while I was speaking to my mom on the house phone and I told her about the problem we are having and my father was recording the conversation. He didn't mention anything until he brought me to my cousin, who is the only family closest to me by my mom's side and told her everything and let her listen to the tape.

He said he was going to send me back to Jamaica, but he forgave me and gave me a second chance.

I really want to finish high school here because I have better opportunity but its very frustrating living with my dad. I was thinking of just returning to Jamaica and finish high school then go back to America and go to college. Please give me your fatherly advice.

K., USA

Dear K.,

I have observed that you have not said that your father is treating you badly. You have accused him of getting upset over little things but I want you to look at the things, that he is talking about. They may be little to you but to him they are very important. You are a teenager and sometimes teenagers don't keep their bedrooms tidy and parents become very upset.

Some teenagers don't wash the dishes immediately after using them. They allow them to stay in the sink for hours and days. That will get parents upset. Some teenagers spend too much time on the telephone. To them that's a little thing but to their parents it is not.

Pastor

Some spend too much time watching television. To the teenagers that is a little thing but to the parents it is a big thing. Some don't get up on time to go to school and some come home late after school is dismissed. These may be little things to teenagers but they are big concerns for parents.

I hope you see what I mean. You did not know your father until you were eleven years old. Perhaps he was away. Why do you find it so difficult to call him dad? You ought to show him respect. He filed for you, he is giving you shelter and food, learn to be respectful .And try your very best to develop a good relationship with him.

Pastor