Jackass sey di worl' no level. Jackass sey dem talk bout de trut will set you free but a lie dem a tell, cause man an ooman whe chat trut en' up a jailouse an dawgouse more time.

When a person stands up to testify in court, her or she swears to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help them God. But really and truly, nobody expects the truth, much less the whole truth, that is why you have judges and juries and lawyers on both sides, with liars all around.

Think about it. With all the oaths and all the Bibles in a courtroom, it is expected that people will lie, hence all these procedures and safeguards to ensure that the truth is told. The court process would be so simple if the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth was told. No more drawn-out cases, no whole lot of appeals, no 'justice delayed is justice denied' sort of stuff.

Cases would be so simple. Like Jackie is accused of tossing some acid on Jubbie, because Jubbie and Jackie's man Johnny did a one thing and Jackie found out. Does Jackie go on the stand and swear that she was on vacation in Hawaii when the acid bath took place, although she does not have a passport and only went to the airport on a class trip when she was five years old and at basic school? No, she speaks the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"Yer Anna, me an mi man a come fram far, cause wen me buck im is a one pants im did ave wid de batty paat tear out an me go a Casco go hol' six jeans gi im, same colour, same bran, cause yu done know ow de olesale ting go yer Anna. Jubbie a did me fren an she usual cuss im, sey im all no sumell good, an' me ol' a kalone dung a town mek im splash an."

"Now me fix im up, she no stap sen im tex' bout ar pipe a leak an she a beg im fix e, till it look like sey im bung har up an she a tell we fren Jillie ow she tek me man. Me nah tek dat. An me nah lef' my man, cause man hard fi get. An me nah blame im, cause me know man is weak to de flesh an when de blood go dung desso enough no deh a brain fe it function. So me jus' gi har a sumall monkey lotion, no fi mash har up total, but jus' fe mek har memba me anytime she look inna de mirror, see yer Anna," Jackie would say.

Bam bam, sentence drop, documents stamp up, Jackie, Jubbie and Johnnie are all okay.

But that is not how it works, is it? And yer Anna would be most surprised if someone came in front of the court and spoke like that. There would be all sorts of mutterings about not showing any remorse and being brazen and having to set an example and braps, Jackie is gone to jail for a long time before parole.

Jackass sey di worl' no level, Jackass sey wen im get accuse a nutten im jus go 'neighh' lakka orse.

Next week: Truth and doghouse