Dear Pastor,

I've been dating a guy for almost a year now and I realise that I can't trust him. I want to be with him but the trust issue is affecting our relationship a lot. It's been very hard for me to trust him.

He is such a big flirt. I have a feeling he is messing around with my cousin but he denies it. Can I get some advice?

R. W., New York, USA

Dear R. W.,

It would have helped me if you had stated your reasons for believing that this guy is having an intimate relationship with your cousin. It is wrong to accuse him of something you are not sure about.

Have you spoken to your cousin about the matter? If you are truly in love with this man and he claims to be in love with you, both of you should go for dinner in a very private place and invite the cousin to have dinner with you also. Raise the matter with both of them at dinner. Clear the air once and for all.

If he is not having an intimate relationship with her, he wouldn't object having her for dinner. If he is, he will get angry and object strongly. Of course you would have to be very careful how the matter is handled. You should not ask "So and so, are you having an intimate relationship with so and so?" She is likely to deny it. However, if you were to say "So and so, I got a sneaking suspicion that you love so and so. Am I right or wrong"? Then you can tell them why you are suspicious of them. Assure your cousin that you are not accusing her of anything. You just want to know the truth.

Do not ask your cousin on the phone whether she is having a relationship with your boyfriend. If you have to talk to her, do so in person. If indeed your man is in love with her and she is in love with him, end the relationship with him.

Pastor