Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old young lady who is employed. I met a guy who lives on my block. I asked him if he was involved with anyone and he said yes and it is someone I know. I went on to ask him his age and he told me that he is 21. Before I got interested I asked those questions which were answered so he wouldn't at all be in my league.

Few days after, he called me out of bed, asking me if I would go for a ride with him. I went, but when we came back I wasn't at all feeling sleepy, so I went to his house. We were there talking, lying on his bed. I wasn't feeling well either, so I turned my back for a bit and then he was kissing and caressing me and before I knew it, he was inside of me.

Lonliness

I guess it was because of loneliness why I went by his house. I wasn't feeling well and I wasn't feeling sleepy either. I didn't have feelings or anything for this guy because his age turned me off. Now, I am feeling messed up about the situation because we didn't come to some form agreement before we had sex. To make it worse I have just known him for a few days. I didn't even know his name. I am clueless about everything because I wasn't interested. Call me careless if you may because I have been saying the same thing too. I wasn't at all interested but it just happened.

I have never been in a serious relationship before because people I normally got involved with are already involved with others. But this is the worst case; he is a toddler who is involved with someone, who is living quite near. Being involved with him doesn't make a difference as I hardly ever see him. We never do anything together. To make matters worse, I'm not at all nagging to him and if I ask him for something he can't be bothered to go out of his way to get it for me or he will pay me for the sex he took. These are just few of the many things I had to deal with since he is so much immature.

Civilised manner

He throws stuff in my face and honestly I thought about being really cruel to him since I didn't ask for any of what happened. And after it was done, I thought we would have dealt with things in a civilised manner. This predicament has left me in total disarray. I'm so not interested to meet anyone or go anywhere, since I have never had the chance to be happy. Pastor thanks for your time and keep giving your best advice.

M., St. James, Jamaica

Dear M.,

I wonder what you were thinking when this guy invited you out for a ride. And if you were not feeling well, why didn't you go home and lie down in your own bed even if you were not feeling sleepy? Let me ask you another question. If you were not up to having sex with this fellow, why didn't you resist him? Do you really mean to tell me that you had sex with a man and you did not know his name?

And this guy didn't even show any sympathy. Didn't you tell him that you were not feeling well? You are fortunate that he did not get you pregnant. You called him a toddler. Have you not heard the saying "Little axe cut down big tree" Try and put this man out of your mind. You will always remember what happened but don't allow it to get you down. Keep out of his way. Don't ask him for favours. And please don't go back to his house.

Pastor